Holy shit, I spent countless hours on Rotten.com. I was obsessed. Checked it every day to see what was new.

Vincent Weiguang Li killed and ate a guy and the hoser authorities saw fit to release him a few years later. He’s better now.

1996 is nightmare fuel. Naked mascots are just wrong.

At least Cincy went to the trouble of giving him a mustache.

My fantasy football league has an annual draft/golf weekend. The players range from guys who get new clubs every other year, wear $100 Nike pants, and shoot in the 80s to me, who wears cargo shorts and misses the ball frequently enough that I don’t bother keeping score.

I’ve had old convertibles over the past 29 years and the only time any of them was ever locked was by accident, by my brother-in-law in the Shea Stadium parking lot before a game. I didn’t even have a door key; I had to jam my arm through a small rip in the roof that was then much larger. He felt bad.

I’ve had convertibles for 28 of the past 29 years and I have never, not once, driven around in Dork Configuration (top down, windows up). It looks ridiculous. You either want the open-air experience or you don’t.

People who like good music.

Plane is pretty restrained compared to his house.

The only buyer that makes sense is Elvis’ estate to add it to Graceland. It’s not a big enough attraction on its own to put somewhere else. It doesn’t have historical value worthy of that museum in DC, or the Intrepid. Unless some eccentric collector puts it in his yard.

You are so wrong it is comical. For starters, he was still the biggest star on earth when he died 40 years ago. I went to Graceland last year and at 50 was on the older side of the crowd. Hundreds of people in their 20s. Tourists from all over the world. The King will still be selling records 50 years from now.

This is the same person as the one at the top of the article? What happened?!

The Mets have scheduled a press conference for this afternoon for Sandy Alderson to introduce the newest member of their bullpen. 

Seriously what has the South had going for it in the last 100 years?

I dunno. I feel like they might take out categories per contestant. Like if I guy is a mathematician they don’t use the math category.

I’d like a ruling on my wife saying “Open the light”. I say she is functionally illiterate.

And another thing: when that clapped-out hoopty the meth-head teen down the block breaks down, it costs to a stop. Imagine 20 years after the introduction of flying cars, all the beat-up ones the Poors are driving falling out of the sky onto us.

You have nailed it.

The only thing better than the pull-and-peel ones are the fat Twizzlers with the tart sugary goo inside them. I’ve only ever seen them in Hersheypark. I buy several packages, eat them until my mouth hurts, and suffer loose stools.

What the hell kind of Rain Man types are commenting about food here? 6-year-olds on the spectrum eat the various items on their plate one at a time. Adults without developmental issues eat a couple of bites of steak, then some fries, then some creamed spinach. Then some more steak, then a chunk of garlic bread,…