Unbelievably, I had to correct this from “100% TRUMP supporter” to “110% TRUMP supporter.” 

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

Or perhaps he has a history of making violent threats toward her — and following through on them, as she alleges — you weirdo.

“Dangerous Cousins”

“Hold my beer and disposable firearm that the police will never find”  Robert Blake

“I’m gonna ask you this one more time before I take it to another level,” the male voice says. “Can I have my son here?” When West says no, he responds, “I’m gonna make sure I put a bullet through your fucking head.”

Your grandpa sounds like a pretty cool guy

“DeMarcus? More like EFF Marcus!” - Rick Reilly, if he was still alive.

Amateur

Rob Gronkowski says he couldn’t sleep for weeks after a fairly routine hit in the Super Bowl

I once had to ice my knee and take off a day of work because I tried to get a playing card from under a table with my foot.

When even Gronk is smart enough to retire, it’s hard to hold a grudge against Andrew Luck

Yeah dude, that’s a really weird and violent fantasy. I mean, you basically just described Alamo Drafthouse but without good beer or popcorn and instead heaps of disproportionate violence.

I know exactly how Andrew Luck feels. I mean, I don’t have a degree from Stanford or a bunch of athletic ability or millions of dollars or a super-high IQ. But I have been booed by people in Indianapolis. And my boss does a lot of drugs.

I felt really bad for O.J. Simpson until I remembered I don’t give a shit about anyone’s fantasy football team, and also that time he killed his ex-wife and a waiter.

Saying stupid shit got the current President elected, so I’m going to go with attribute.

Man, even the Broncos are crying. 

You have 3 buildings that meet the measurements required to be labeled a skyscraper.  I researched this to make sure of the accuracy, because last time I drove through I thought I saw 4 tall buildings, but only 3 are big boys.  

Having this come out right after Luck’s announcement is cruel and unusual punishment.