The hottest new thing in Moniga del Garda is La Scaletta. It has everything. Waiters that whisper the specials breathlessly in your ear, pizza cubes, chairs made of shitty tippers, entitlement cocktails, lamps that look like upside-down boobs, ice with messages inside about everything you did wrong in your childhood,…

If this is the worst thing the police do this week, then I would call it a very good week.

PS Diseño Malbec is BOSS and it’s only like twelve bucks at the grocery store.

He would use Comic Sans.

Netflix + masturbation> Sex - Netflix. #sorrynotsorry