ESPN had to lay off 200 more employees to pay for the rights to the Happy Birthday song.

Man, that guy made a complete ass himself on national TV, and in that sweet new replica Little League jersey too.

The accident became a full-blown tragedy when the Fox Football Robot, realizing he had failed his primary directive of protecting Pam Oliver because he was flirting with the Roomba used to clean the Colts's turf, turned his left hand into a pistol and killed himself in front of dozens of children.

Was your vasectomy yesterday, or the day before yesterday?

And here's another mugshot, because, as the old adage goes, Missouri needs company.

Talk about premature ejaculation!

Dear Aaron,

Per the Cleveland Plain Dealer's Mary Kay Cabot.

So obvious I won't even say Diaper Dandy.

It makes sense. His shoes were pink and green.

What about these kinds of dick pics?

Screwdriver snobs are making a case for themselves!

+1

Bullshit, CNN. Not even royal newborns can pronounce anything, even one syllable words.

Exit Salad

If you're sitting in the bleachers or the upper deck, then I agree with you. But if you're sitting where this guy was sitting you'd be an idiot not to bring a glove. And having a glove doesn't make you a ballhawk. A ballhawk is someone whose only purpose at a ballgame is to catch baseballs. They don't sit in their…

I love it, you magnificent bastard. +1

He was immediately whistled for a shooting fowl.

Assemble the minions!

Girl: So, Mark. Truth or dare?