Somewhere on a cold distant planet known as Hartford, MA, a lonely telephone operator sits patiently and burns a “W” shaped candle.

The real stunner was that they didn’t outright replace her with Tomi Lahren.

Zaza finds Russ’s lack of [ability to let anything go and move on with his life AND faith]...disturbing.

The Seahawks defense, in particular, needs to stop being such assholes to a press corps that (for the most part) gives them a VERY wide berth. There’s no New York Post-level bullshit here, the coverage is all pretty favorable and very geared to the rah-rah level “12" people. I realize it’s right after a pretty…

Meanwhile, the NCAA is like FUCK NO DUDE, MORE FUCKING COMMERCIALS BECAUSE NO ONE FUCKIN CARES IF THE EAST COAST GOES TO WORK ON TUESDAY YEEFUCKINHAW FOOBAWW

I am 138% sure that Mike Shanahan would answer his phone right now.

Swimming Pool Bear wants a RECOUNT.

Mark Sanchez’s TRIUMPHANT return to Philadelphia. IT’S RIGHT THERE JERRY, SHEESH.

It’s super cute that internet commenters think that the at-large voting American public reads, pays attention, cares or generally stays informed about the candidates actual plans and positions. It’s a Homecoming Queen election, not a body politic. You just need three words to get elected now. “HOPE AND CHANGE”…

It’s entirely possible he’s realizing that the eminently average Eli Manning is the best QB he might ever play with and Eli’s best is FAR behind him at this point.

The attempts to explain the NBA to whatever generation he thinks he’s speaking to at this point are becoming shameful. In no way, shape, or form was Larry Bird a “unicorn”. A terrific talent, yes, but unless you look through the Simmons BAAAAHHHHSTAAAANNN microscope, not a FUCKING UNICORN.

I love Rich for caring so much, and I hate Rich for not being able to do that behind closed doors.

Humans being human during a time of mourning. I’m glad Pop spent some time on this tonight, I’m sure the family will appreciate this more than they’ll ever be able to say.

The shocking thing about “Wonderful Christmas Time” and “Happy Christmas” is that because they are by former Beatles, everyone feels compelled to cover them incessantly. Do musicians have some sort of blind spot for shitty music or do they just feel like Christmas songs are the easiest money ever?

Abusing your perceived lessers is demeaning and dehumanizing and I don’t give a shit how fucking time-honored it is, grow up, act like professionals, and quit pretending that what you do is any more than hitting the gene-pool lottery and getting fucking paid for it.

I’m at Threat Level Midnight here that at least every person wearing a Flyers sweater at that game called McDavid a word that rhymes with “mockpucker”. Probably while in the presence of their spouses and children, at Chickie and Petes, before heading out to steal their Christmas tree.

I hope Mike McQueary and Andy Dalton eventually merge into THE COSMIC GINGER DESTROYER and wreak havoc on all. Or one of them becomes...you know...competent...at something.

Until Curt Schilling weighs in on Facebook, these fuckers are amateurs at meme-ing AT BEST.

Fire the coach, fire the GM, wash, rinse, repeat. You’d think by dumb luck they’d hit with someone at some point, but nope.

So, again, schedule cupcakes? The B1G doesn’t allow for FCS opponents, and plays NINE intra-conference games. Who exactly should PSU schedule? OH RIGHT IDAHO AND I DON’T KNOW. Stop it with that. Penn State BEAT Ohio State in a head to head matchup, WON the Eastern Division that includes everyone’s darling Michigan…