Truly the deepest cut

I know for a fact you’re a nicer person than me, because when a coworker made a similar complaint (about their two special needs children), I sassed back that $15/hour seemed like a steal compared to planning a kid-sized funeral.

I thought once this sort of thing inevitably happened I might start feeling bad for the clowns.

People make jokes at funerals. It doesn’t mean they’re not hurting.

Special forces operatives kill people for a living; doesn’t mean they’ll take kindly to being offered a hit contract. Circumstances matter.

I saw a young couple and an older man doing this in the small park across from my house the other day! I thought they just didn’t know how to exercise correctly or something. Christ!

I was afraid I wouldn’t get a chance to use this.

Pretty much. There was an episode of Deadwood, where Al grabbed Trixie (basically his head prostitute) by the pussy. Previous to this he had beaten her, insulted her, and done many bad things. When he did this she left. When they later made up she called him out for “grabbing her snatch” and he promised going forward…

You can tell she works at Fox because of those edges. The ancestors won’t let them settle and lay down, since she sold out.

I know, right?

I don’t understand these drunken rage-fests. All I have are drunken sleep-fests.

...she found out she was pregnant ten minutes before giving birth. This happened on her wedding day, with the baby ending up being born down the toilet at a fancy hotel.

I’m starring all these fucking puns but I’m also very angry at all of you

Not a comment on the Gosselin story (because I didn’t read it and don’t care that much), but as someone whose parents made the incredibly wrenching decision to place my severely developmentally disabled sibling in a group home/assisted living for the survival of their marriage, their emotional and mental health, and…

The Hamiltones need to provide the soundtrack to my life. I want there to be an album sold on tv with tracks scrolling up like Damn, Where My Keys? and some white dude saying, “But wait! There’s more!” and then that classic hit, You Hungry? I Could Eat would be the next one. 10 dollars plus shipping and handling. I…

Amy built this whole schtick around being an outsider. But she gives off the vibe that she desperately wants in.

There’s absolutely no call for comments like this. I edit my work—we all do—but the night moves quickly and sometimes there are slip-ups. Please use this space to engage kindly and thoughtfully.

So basically they got in formation, proved they have coordination and slayed before they got eliminated? Sorry had to do a Beyonce reference lol

Only one. I dated this nerd to make him look cool because I really needed the money to replace the white suede outfit I had borrowed without my mom’s permission.