A fan? Yes. But not one of those paper fans. You need one that makes a resounding “Twack!” when you flick it open.

Dead.

I was bald in the picture and now I am locs, and I’m asked to pull them back to show my ears. I’ve had attendants call someone else over so they can look at me smiling and not smiling. I love it and wish I could keep this passport forever.

I’m smiling in my passport photo and I’ve been asked to smile at airports around the world. It’s kind of fun.

I watched Kids with my mom when I was a teenager. I think I would have preferred porn.

Intimacy Boutiques carry them. I go once a year to stock up.

Did we go to the same school? Was your Home Ec teacher a lady named Ms. Russel?

My family is from Bluffton and I was trying to enjoy a nice bath while my mom kept updating me on this kid from Bluffton despite the fact that I DO. NOT. CARE. about American Idol.

I was all excited to try out my friend’s gym and then the guy leading the session said that we needed to listen to our bodies and push hard, but not too hard. He said, “There’s a difference between pain and ‘pussy pain’ so don’t be a pussy.” As soon as that came out of his mouth I knew that there was no way I was…

I have chased students and their drivers down in the parking lot after school so I could shame the students for not carrying their own bags. The drivers always looked away while I was yelling so they wouldn’t laugh. Good times.

WHAT?? He’s why I want to go. I went to college with him. I stood next to him once.

It’s the best thing ever! I’ve shaved my head a couple of times and it is great!!! I now have locs and I love them, but having a buzz cut was very, very liberating.

There’s a great book called Richistan by Robert Frank that goes into this. It mostly deals with newly rich Americans, but it is really interesting. They have special therapy groups and people to teach them how to deal with their wealth.

I thought he was pretty amazing in The Basketball Diaries as well. That and Gilbert Grape are his best films IMHO.

I gave a piece to a friend and as he was writhing with delight in his chair he said, “This is the best pumpkin pie I’ve ever had in my life.” I snatched the pie out of his hands and told him a thing or two. I’m from the South. I will not tolerate such insults.

I live overseas and make sure I leave my parents money to buy me cookies. One year I asked my long distance boyfriend to do it for me and he bought the wrong damn cookies. It didn’t last long after that. Not because of the cookies, but I probably should have ended it then and there because the cookies he got me were…

Does anyone remember when they were 2.50 a box or am I just making things up?

A wider Waffle House? If these exist all over, I may be able to make my Waffle House wedding reception dream come true.

Perhaps he’s pulling a Costanza?