Thank you for finally speaking against Tatum, your stand has inspired in me the courage to say that he has a block head.

Same here in Texas. Fingers crossed for Beto. 

Guys seriously, can we just for ONCE, give props to Taylor when she does something right? You don’t have to crown her Queen of Jezebel, but legit, this was a good thing she did. Today I’m thinking of all her LBGT fans who must be feeling real fucking awesome about their fave sticking up for them politically in this…

I swear.  Taylor does what y’all beg her to do and then you still find a way to shit on her for it.  Either you want her to speak up politically or you don’t. Pick one. 

A POX ON ALL EXPENSIVE VEGETABLE-FOCUSED RESTAURANTS THAT DON’T SALT THEIR FOOD.

Every time I see the Obamas:

It gets even worse!!

Okay, but like, this is an actual quote from Curvy Wife Guy:

He also lied when he claimed he had no connections to Yale, because his grandfather was an alum.

When he said "Ronan Sinatra" !!!

Are we going to talk about Kanye wearing a MAGA hat and getting booed by the audience for giving a pro-trump rant? He literally said the Democrats planned to take black fathers out of homes and put them on welfare. WTF? I guess most of it never made it on air but Chris Rock posted a video of it, it’s pretty cringey.

When Grassley said, “Well I’m hard as hell,” I died. And then when Kennedy called the female prosecutor Miss Frizzle, I died again.

When he said “I’m a keg is half full type of guy” I almost fell off my chair. Brilliant. (Even though Matt Damon has shown himself to be pretty ignorant of his own white male privilege in the past)

Interesting. Now, would you ever entertain a not-leaving-Jezebel conversation

PREEMPTIVELY SAYING THAT BOBBY WILL STILL BE WRITING FEATURES FOR US THANKS (ugh i don’t want u to go my bb)

Truth. I and the women in my life routinely use “it’s fine” as a phrase that means “it’s absolutely not fine, but it’s not worth the drama that the truth will bring up.”

This post is a genuine, vacuous delight.

So Pete Davidson’s career is now just being Ariana Grande’s fiancé?

They certainly don’t clean themselves

Her campaign ads should just be the “ Last Fuckable Day” sketch she did, just to show how chill and awesome she is.