I can’t do anything about wine, but here’s a kitty sitting in a box he had to give up attempting to lay down in because he’s a big, big boy.

It just makes it seem like somebody crapped under a eucalyptus tree.

I was in a Library storytime thing for <2 kids and let out one of those silent and deadly farts. I noticed every single mom in there start checking their kids’ diapers. I felt super awkward and checked my kid’s too.

I work for a construction company, and once one of the guys came in and used the bathroom and took the most foul smelling shit ever. The bathroom was down a 40 foot hallway from my office and the smell was still unbearable. It seemed to be coming out of the heating vents, and was so strong I was actually starting to…

I think they did read their history books since it says “part 2"

Any time I see things like this I think to myself, “how did no one think this was wrong?” How many people saw that before it went on the bus, and everyone thought “yeah this is fine.”

Last time Bill was a part of a historical sporting event, Daffy Duck was there. Guess what happened then? Yeah, earth was saved

I had been dating this guy for a few months, and after a relative’s funeral, I met him for drinks (beer and wings). We went back to my place, eventually went to sleep, and I woke up in the middle of the night and was immediately violently ill. No time to even turn my head. I threw up chicken wings and beer all over…

This is so very generic but I got food poisoning at my boyfriend’s house and I was too sick to leave. He stayed up with me while I was vommitting but then things, uh, progressed and I had to give him a look that said “this is going to be a two way street like immediately.” I spent the rest of the night throwing up in…

I am what I call a sympathetic vomiter, my toddler son threw up in my kitchen and my husband and I played rock paper scissors as to who had to clean it up and I lost. I tried I really did but while cleaning it up I threw up on top of it. my husband’s response “well thats a good way of getting out of it”

Screw it, I’m not even gonna make a burner for this. I have no shame. Also I have more stories for this particular pissing contest because my line of work lends itself to it but I’ll stick to this one.

Innocuous fact: My grandma kept a baggie full of drinking straws, napkins and supermarket produce bags in the glovebox of my grandpa’s Oldsmobile for kiddo soda drinking occasions and such (bag was for trash, natch).

I get migraines that are often accompanied by intense vomiting and sometimes fainting. For this reason my doctor has told me to stay at home laying down in the recovery position when I get them so I don’t pass out, vomit, and die. Well I don’t do that really because it would mean I’d have no life. So one day I wake up…

It’s not a great story but one of my earliest memories was going to the library with my mom and seeing a man pooping in an alley. I told my mom because I was at the tattle telling asshole age and she said “Well that happens sometimes.” and we just kept walking.

It is very hard for a regular ass girl to be believed, also it is very hard for a regular ass wife, a regular ass daughter, a regular ass girlfriend, a regular ass grandma, curiously, men who are arses are well believed.

“I’ve never done anything illegal, immoral, unethical.”

Art Briles “tearful meeting” is the tearfull meeting at Baylor I give zero shits about.

I like to know that our authors are just like us. Looking up the actual evidence because a troll is being a knob about something on the internet.

You know, I went and looked it up!

But seriously - if you have an opportunity to insult a decorated war veteran you have to take it, right?