Meh. I've seen nicer breasts.

The voice from Star Trek, or Morgan Freeman.

Catpron!

My can rolled around in slow motion and then blew up. Upon further inspection I found out it was a re-purposed can of Coke.

Or you could learn to control your body temperature (dry a wet towel with your body, survive hypothermia, or make bottled water boil in your hand) by becoming a Buddhist monk.

That pothead better sell Quik.

Here's my experiment; if Craig Ferguson didn't exist, would anyone notice?

There ya go. Didn't think of that. Wish I did. Simple and perfect.

Good ol' asl never lets ya down!

You'll be able to pick one up for about $20 in the Walmart bargain bin in about 6 months.

And Enya? Nope.

Anyone else?

Very informative, but I don't think this guy will be hosting any night shows anytime soon.

You're right, because any real doctor wouldn't tell people about things that hurt them. He would sit quietly in his office and just write papers about it.

Actually, I trust this showboat doctor more than the FDA. I'm seriously not going to go into why the FDA is the biggest bag of shit, or why I don't even watch Dr. Ozbert.

"I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes."

Oh no you di-int! That was pure gold!

Hang-Bernie. How appropriate.