Or a crystal ball. If I knew what the market was going to do, I wouldn’t be sitting at this desk.

I’m sure there’s a couple Mavericks employees who could describe, in incredibly graphic detail, exactly what Noel did to himself.

Yes, but the baseball Jordan version.

He was too good. The Marlins couldn’t trade him so they had to kill him.

Wow, I forgot the Padres even existed. You win.

Rhode Island is just trying to cover up for the fact that it hasn’t built up enough blood reserves - due to the state’s low child population - to properly provide Pitino adequate sustenance.

Unless it’s immigration law, I honestly don’t know. But the general advice is, if you have to ask if you need an attorney, the answer usually is yes. Especially since you can usually get free/low-price consultations :)

Sorry, definitely can’t do any legal advice online!

I would think penicillin would be the preferred treatment after being in a group with Tiger and his exuberant fans. 

Well this is going to get fun.

I’d rather tell you about the time I didn’t get caught.

When you move into California with vehicles you have already purchased and registered in another state, the Smog Check stations run the test based upon the equipment that it installed from the factory. Your Fiero was 49-state equipped, so they run the test based upon those parameters. Your STI was 50-state equipped…

1st Gear: “While the market has yet to open, early trades are already in free-fall at the news of Elon Musk’s death. Details remain sparse, but one unnamed source has told us that Musk was found stuffed between the panel gaps of a Model 3. We advise our viewers to take this report with a grain of salt, of course,…

Obviously that’s just Transsubstantiation, you heathen! Ah, inverse transsubstantiation. Or sacramental union.

I mean, if you cared about someone, would you want them to be selected by the Browns, just so Hue Jackson can cover them in pubes and set them aflame? I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy drafted to the Browns.

She was pranking us. Though Bobby seemed to think she was being pranked.

I write for a living, but words fail me when it comes to describing how much I love the Oxford comma, the semicolon, and my best friend, the m-dash. I’m going to punctuate my way into HEAVEN, Montoviro.

“Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma,” you ask? I DO.

Wait I’m confused did she prank US or was SHE being pranked by someone who sent her fake invites???

So “shippers” are people who create fantasy relationships in their heads for already non-existent people (TV characters)? Back in my day, we just called that kind of thing “crazy.” I don’t think this actress should pay one damn bit of attention to these lunatics.