Lessons to people getting married:

$20 says he still marries her.

I love this girl. I love her bohemian style and the fact that she was named after a Toyota.

I have seen this somewhere before.

I got... this calendar:

A book called "Live Alone and Like It." From the 1930s. From my sister.

Is anyone else getting an Instagram vibe off that coat? Like that it's a really expensive artsy version of the logo?

Pheonix. I feel the misspelling is important.

People will always be comparing them.

Lucifer for world leader 2666.

Your reconciling of your beliefs has absolutely zero to do with someone else's personal, private sexual and medical decisions. That is all.

Clearly. Everyone knows that the best mom is the mom that didn't want to be one. Guaranteed success.

If we ignore the problem then they will have a baby and become a proper woman! All those sluts need to a baby to settle them down. That always works and is never a terrible idea.

Rape? You mean the violent crime of rape? Why would law enforcement focus finite resources on trying to solve a violent crime like rape (whether it was committed by someone known to the victim or a stranger it still involves violence), when there's a "War on Drugs" to fight? I mean there are people growing marijuana…

This is going to be the tell all book of all tell all books. It will make Mommy Dearest will look like a fairytale. Chapter 20: Mommy throws Christmas out. And I guess the book will just be called, Nuclear Wintour?

Thank you for your sacrifice. And this Christmas, remember its true meaning—that Obama wants to take away all your guns and shoot Baby Jesus with them.

FALSE. Everyone knows that the 10 Best Christmas Songs of All Time are these: