How about covering college sports more—especially your favorite team, the Fighting Illini? Selfish? We see you guys are writing about only good, top-ranked teams. Love, Mom and Dad

The thought of my parents being able to see everything I do for work is ... is ... unthinkable.

"Well, after being a huge college football star who generated a shitton of income for my university while technically not being paid at all, I'm honored to be part of a system where a bunch of billionaire's toys tell me where I'll be allowed to ply my trade. I humbly ask my franchise and my sponsorship benefactors to…

That's a gouda pun you made there! You got the mozza out of your wordplay. I was going to make one as well, but you havarti beat me to the punch.

Smoke enough weed, and everything tastes like cookies and weed.

Also hydrates your freeze dried phenobarbital and applesauce to the optimal consistency for your spiritual journey over the bridge to total freedom.

Patent has expired :

Countdown until Goodell makes the Clearsound Listening System the only NFL-approved warm-up audio player.

Oh, we're years past that.

someone at Gizmodo please buy an E-meter, tear it down and post the findings.

The perfect gift for a Scientologist is, of course, Lawrence Wright's Going Clear.

Scientology: Religion as conceived by The Onion.

Damn straight. I always threaten to come in with a gun and shoot up a place when I get drunk. Boys being boys. It happens.

So he's talking shit, gets into a fight, and he is zero percent to blame because he's white and plays football? Got it....look i'm a normal ass white dude and know that if i start talking shit drunk or not, you better be prepared for what is coming next.

I have never refused to leave a bar (or anywhere else) at 3:00 am (or any other time). I have never resisted arrest. I have never threatened to kill anyone with or without an AK-47. And I've never lived the kind of life that led me to believe that acting like that kind of asshole was normal or acceptable.

Dillweed. +1

Whatever way you describe it and where ever the point of impact was supposed to be, he was still leading with his head. He launched himself leading with his head. Period.

Reminds me of...

Clausen getting speared in the head may put the Bears offense in a real pickle.

I would definitely be angry if this were anyone but Jimmy Clausen.