She’s not jumping anything.

I’m just trying to imagine the look on the police officer’s face when he shows up to arrest him and realizes that it’s Charles fucking Oakley.

Glad to see the Oak Tree is a little more mature in his older age. If this was during his Knicks days, he would have just smashed the table and kicked the dealer in the groin when he realized he was going to lose.

Okay, who else read the headline and immediately thought Brooke Shields died?

Hey, Phillip!  Gimme a kiss, baby!

“We were told you gave a patron a lap dance. Is this true?”

THE DERP STATE

I want her to be my best friend. 

He’s still going to replace Paul Ryan. They had no problem letting a guy who actually molested wrestlers he coached be House Speaker, why would they care about someone who merely allowed it to happen?

C’mon Tom, it’s THE Deep State. 

Pretty sure that’s an exemption for young mothers.

And meanwhile, the rest of that fucking miserable, worthless state has a goddamn needle sticking out of its arm. Nice priorities. 

Sure! All heads of state are trained specifically to throw hissy fits in front of international delegations over the most trivial first world problems. And considering clearly no one has food on their plate at that moment in time, I’m sure that breakfast was his primary concern. You’ve proven us wrong once again,…

Gotta give him credit though, he destroyed his legacy in under 30 minutes.

+ Uno

And as with any day that involves Papa Johns, the following morning is always worse.

Snitches get stitches replaced by automated systems

Society has had snitches for years, but in the past they were typically flesh and blood.

Society has had snitches for years, but in the past they were typically flesh and blood.