Since Lily Tomlin is involved, I’m guessing zero. I can’t imagine she would put up with any of that.

All of their tee shirts have this kind of bullshit on them. CAN I JUST HAVE A PLAIN BLACK TEE SHIRT?

And the dawnzer lee light!

Are you from 1877?

Same

I am a complete and total un-ironic fan of Teen Mom.

Um, I don't know Colin, let me tell you a story about a stubborn young girl who hated sports and didn't like learning about things that she hated

With all due respect, madam, but I think you are wrong and I need you to shut up now. However, I am being polite because you might fuck me later.

I agree with this so much! Most of the weddings I've been to have had little candies or something as favors, which I think is great, who can hate on free candy?

Sing it! Like I said elsewhere, no one should go into debt for a wedding, but if you can afford to do what you want, why not? My wedding week (truth — it's not ONE day, it's many days: the day you go dress shopping and your best friend cries when you put on the dress that was made for you; the day when your family all…

I got married in the basement of an abandoned house and everyone sat on a mud floor. I wore a dress I've kept since the 7th grade that my mother made me out of yarn she made from soybeans.

You know, why doesn't anybody ever say "I had a cheap ass wedding and it was fun, but honestly, that was my only choice. If I had more $ I would have thrown a nicer party". Let's not kid ourselves. There's gotta be the truth for some people. It's annoying that they act holier than thou when it wasn't really a choice…

An average is an average. There is no other "real average."

Agh, yes, that tiny moment of vulnerability - I'm glad her mother wanted to show her how proud she is of her standing up for herself.

Her little pause before saying the word "ugly" killed me. I know she had this awesome retort, but you could tell she thought it was a bad word, and it hurt her a little bit. I'm glad she has an awesome momma who encourages this good self esteem.

She said "who wants to hear about Paris Hilton?" I started squealing and doing my excited dance, which is just my hands balled up into fists shaking real hard. I was in her immediate sightline so she said "that is one excited gay" and mimicked my movements.

Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.

He's trolling us, right. There's just no way an actual human could be this terrible. Is this adult Joffrey? I want to punch him in the face so bad right now.