If a guy cheats, it’s because of his own shit, not anyone else’s.

There is no Chyna thunder, just desperation to remain relevant and gain attention.

Rob Kardashian makes me want to be a better man because I really do not want to be like him even though I am presently unemployed, a little thicker than usual, and am smoking too much weed. But I am going to make my mom proud and stop tokin up!

Imagine being beautiful enough to be asked to model that beauty in front of a camera - an accomplishment which we are told, as a culture, is among the very highest to which a woman can aspire - but being otherwise unimpressive enough that your modelling costar is a big dead fish. I don’t know or want to know what that…

There’s women in this calendar?

Ever been so morally destitute that you sold all of your credibility for a lousy self-serve lunch of wobbly raw meat, shitty rolls and bags of chips in a plastic-coated room in Florida?

If you’re going to sell your soul, the damn buffet better be good.

I dunno. I can’t think of many things more off-putting than warm mayo that’s been exposed to air and people for a long time.

Shiny buns, cold cuts, a bowl of mayo, a bowl of mustard and plain Lays ... This is some next-level buffet trolling. He’s insulting them via sad food.

Why do places do that? I understand not having to restock the condiments but I would rather see a smaller bowl of mayo/mustard have to be swapped out multiple times rather than seeing one full of crumbs and shit.

The sequel to The Rural Juror.

Collateral Beauty sounds like one of Jenna Maroney’s hilariously bad side projects on 30 Rock - a cheesy flick would only be shown on eastbound Amtrak trains or something.

Me to the world as it takes several giant steps backwards because weak white men are afraid of losing power to women and other minorities.

add hours for “patriotic” history lessons

I have so many questions. There are spiders with a span of 1.5 feet? You just let it hang out on your ceiling for month? How did you sleep in the same room with it?

But, but, what if you’re an Australian poisonous animal trying to lull foreigners into a false sense of security so we’ll visit and succumb to your evil ways? I don’t think so sentient clock spider!

She’s quieter than her son, but still a white supremacist. She was part of this effort by white supremacists to establish an all-white enclave in this corner of Montana that started about 30 years ago. Thousands of them have come to Whitefish, a nearby town called Kalispell, and the rural area around both towns.

Her house is listed as the office for Spencer’s National Policy Institute. So. Yeah. There’s that.

Yeah, kids don’t just become Nazis on their own. There’s a tree that apple came from.

Fuck this dudes mom