I'm pretty sure "fifth freedom" is what Dick Cheney shouts during his orgasms.

That's why I'll never have anything nice, like a bag of flour or a toilet!

John Paul II was an avid hiker and off-piste skier in his younger days, so he probably did more than his share of woods-shitting.

I don't think for a moment that the Puppy Bowl was conceived as a Super Bowl alternative for football haters. If you're watching the game but nothing's happening, the Puppy Bowl lets you look at puppies until things pick up. So yes, watch it with the sound off, on your second largest TV, with the game on your…

The man never drank a Sprecher Special Amber in his life!

Who wants to be in my rock band? We're called "Turgid Gams."

BURN THE HERETIC

Actually, in geological terms, they're quite young. Same with the Himalayas, the Alps, the Andes, all the big dramatic mountains of the world. In fact, the life cycle of geological Tetons closely mirrors that of biological ones— a chaotic, confusing, almost violent period of uplift, a finite period of grandeur and…

In fairness to your (entirely valid) original point, ME3 overused that, to the point where they were just kissing your ass for playing the whole series. Kasumi on your side? You get three (mathematically irrelevant) war assets instead of one. Same for Zaeed. I think there were others too. Which not only cheapens…

Well, depending on your previous choices, it can be a binary decision. I think you need a ME2 save with both Tali and Legion alive, and in which you supported peace during Tali's loyalty mission. In theory, option C is sort of like a reward for making good choices earlier, but they did make it too easy.

Jeez, it stings just reading that. My conscientiously stupid Renegade Shepard killed Legion on the suicide mission, and the version that appeared in ME3 was the old body with new software— she stabbed him with a much less devastating "the real Legion would have understood."

Really old piss is also a reliable source of potassium nitrate, historically known as saltpetre, an essential ingredient in black powder. Thus, well-used family outhouses were coveted by historical militaries, and could be seized at any time no matter what the hard-working piss suppliers thought about it.

But stupid babies need the most attention! <- very useful if you're a graduate student teaching science to Texas freshmen.

This seems a good a time as any to point out that I can do testchamber 15 in 13 portals, compared with the gold-medal standard (i.e. minimum possible according to Valve playtesters) of 15. If anyone's done it in less I don't wish to know of them.

Getting the Ultimate Defender achievement for GRAW 2. It entails holding a small rectangular patch against a never-ending swarm of mooks for a full hour. If you do it right, you have two or three people shooting at the bad guys and the rest of your team holding fire until one of the standing defenders dies. A…

If we're going to be even more pedantic, "parasitic" is technically a subset of "symbiotic." The word symbiosis literally means "life together" and encompasses all different interactions, positive and negative. The most technically correct (the best etc. etc.) term here is "mutualistic." </nerd>

"All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence that wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school!"

A glitch in the Mass Effect 3 multiplayer created a whole new gametype for me. One match I couldn't see the enemies. I could see turrets and drones spawned by the Geth Primes, but I couldn't see the actual enemies or even their bullets. Luckily, I was playing 1) with friends with headsets. and 2) as a melee-focused…

Please tell me you spend Super Noah's Ark killing dinosaurs and all those other ancient species that allegedly "prove" the world is over 6000 years old…

Ah, fondly do I recall the Delta Halo level in Halo 2, where I once ran over one of those fixed energy shields in a Scorpion which somehow launched the tank cartwheeling into space at a speed I'm surprised the game could process. The visible area of the map faded to a speck literally minutes before some undetermined…