You should tip well for fancy drinks. It takes extra time and effort, so it's worth more than the dollar you should tip for a rum and coke.

More food needs to be served en bucket.

Rule #1 of getting fancy drinks: Tip well.

I was bartending a shift for my restaurant's fifth anniversary when three uppity college girls came in and preceded to order elaborate, handcrafted cocktails all night. They were mostly just hanging out to win some of the prizes for our company's anniversary celebration plus snag free food. I mean, they're college…

I finally read it! (Well, part of it. It was super fucking long.) He really can't write, can he? Here's a sample:

I just read the first page on Amazon Preview and I don't know if I'm more horrified by the content or the terrible writing. Legit phrase: "Her nipples, the texture of hard, yet sculptable, cheese."

I know, right? Her nipples are the texture of cheese? And her ears taste like butter and look like octopus sashimi? Why not tuna sashimi?

OMG this is amazing/horrifying! Her nipples are the texture of feta! (Also has this guy ever seen or touched a nipple? Why doesn't he have nipples of his own? Clearly there needs to be more full-frontal nudity on Pete and Pete.)

HOLY CRAP GUYZ I FOUND A LINK TO THE MANUSCRIPT. I couldn't get past the first few pages but it's simultaneously cheesier/terribly written and more creepy/pedophilic than even the write-up would suggest, almost like 50 Shades of Grey if it were written by Gary Glitter and translated poorly from Ukrainian:

Ok but why did the nameless cataleptic rag doll need to be a woman anyway? I don't understand why we need token gender diversity in crappy self-published rape fantasies.

Rudy! He came into my shop once and swore like a sailor the ENTIRE TIME. I fucking love him.

Bronte brother**. He would never accept being a Bronte sister. I mean, why are they even women? They have no reason to be women.

Ugh. The thing I hate most is that tone that seems to say "Look, this guy is a HERO because he's not raping an unconscious woman." He clearly knows that's some fucked up shit AND wants credit for not being a rapist. All while clearly keeping someone that needs help, helpless.

"Reality slips like silk across a tender thigh, dipping in and out of wet shadows."

What in the fuck sort of a sentence is this? I hate it. Hate.

Hillary, I have never been terribly comfortable with the idea that "X" group needs to write for their "X" group because it will be "authentic." My position is that if these are creative endeavors then bring the creativity. After all, there are "black shows" written by "black people" that don't click with me at all.…

I was about to say that there's one of those guys in every law school class, but I think there were at least seven or eight in my class.

I tried, but that is the longest bunch of nothing-word-vomit I've seen today. I do like that he ended it with, "gentle reader." Is he a fucking Bronte sister? Buy my book, gentle reader. Gentle reader pls.

Good god, I started reading but had to stop when I realized that it just kept going and going... Does he think he can talk his way into getting a more glowing review?

First off, Ren & Stimpy is not better than Korra. I've only seen one part of the first season of Korra but i know without certainty it is better. I watched R&S when it was on the air. It was subversive, different, and original in many ways. But it was never all that funny and the jokes got real old real quick. Now…

He showed up in the comment section of a mediocre review of his book on the AV Club and held forth about how very, very wrong his critics are, with bonus name dropping. It's pretty great. http://www.avclub.com/article/the-tr…