AHHHH My ex popped out of his hate cave this morning to comment on my refusal to believe the conspiracy health crisis and was like “well she has Parkinsons...” STAPH I can’t.

Her opponent, who has been far less transparent about his own health, has committed to appear on an episode of Dr. Oz’s daytime show—a match made in heaven, really—to “reveal his own personal health regimen” and release “very specific” medical records.

Most of u know that I have been a special needs teacher/administrator for nearly 18 years, the only job I have ever known. Excuse me now, there is a huge lump in my throat and I’m sobbing as I write this. Of the hundreds of children with special needs that I have worked with, I can tell you that every single one of…

So they sent three immature men with anger issues to an intelligence briefing? What could possibly go wrong?

“JUST MAINTAIN”

Smoking weed made someone drive fast?

Of all the things that make me angry about Breitbart, the thing that is making me the most irrationally angry is this snippet:

“One of them came back down after a meeting, and the makeup on her nose and chin was gone.”

I lol’d at hemorrhoids and then got sad. Too real. Too true. Too soon.

Ok you know what, I can count the number of people on one hand that I’ve ever called a cunt in my entire life, it’s not a word I use lightly.

Funny, the first time I heard of Martin Shkreli I was immediately able to diagnose him with advanced terminal Being A Prolapsed Anus syndrome. (I’m working on getting this terrible condition recognized under the name Shkreli Syndrome.)

The Secret Service...had to protect a reporter...FROM A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE AND HIS CROWD. I just....

OTOH, he seems to be doing exceptionally well as an adult with microcephaly.

So ignore them and let God judge the Gainses in the afterlife.

And since he’s moving from Florida, his left blinker will always be on.

While there he will frustrate the other aquarium dwellers by walking around at half the posted speed limit, insisting on going to the early-bird feeding time, and telling younger lobsters long, convoluted stories about how starfish used to act differently when he was molting up.

“A Trump Presidency will turn the economy around and restore the great American tradition of giving each new generation hope for brighter opportunities* than those of the generation that came before.”

Bless you for sitting through that. The third-hand embarrassment is so strong I had to cover my face and read your summary through a gap between my fingers.

I looked at the picture for less than 5 seconds and now my hair smells like cigarette smoke and I think I have crabs.

I’m from the Johnson City area but living in Tallahassee, and I know this feeling too well. Like you’re leaving behind a piece of your heart. Physically aching as you drive over the mountains away from home.