That’s awful that people would do that. But congrats on winning! I’m envious.

That makes me so sad, but it’s really f’n rad you won a Viking.

That is the saddest fucking shit I’ve ever heard. Who the hell gets that worked up over a TOTAL STRANGER winning a stove???

I'm sorry that happened to you. Jesus. People can be so cruel.

Add making me side with Fox News to the reasons I hate Donald Trump.

Ugh, I totally hate where my spleen is. If I could just move it up a bit, I’d be totally hot.

John Oliver didn’t even mention the best part! When Trump sends him the pictures of his hands circled in gold sharpie saying: see, not so short, the writer sends them back with a note: actually, quite short.

As bad as the headlines are, the comments are orders of magnitude worse. I recently had an argument with someone calling themselves “Constitutionalist” about whether or not prisoners had any rights.

I go there quite a lot. The key to comedy is two ideas that don’t belong together being illogically jammed together, and that’s something they do day in day out.

If the person who married Dennis Rodman seems to not want to be near you... That's pretty bad. That's all I'm saying.

People will say any screencapped Brietbart front page is just a photoshop.

Well, you can’t dog whistle racism if you allow for the possibility that a black guy did a good job at something.

I have hugged him, and it really was the best. I also never fail to tell people that I have hugged him, especially when provided with minimal prompting (like someone mentioning hugging Obama.) It’s a good goal!

On the plus side, if he were president he’d never take the time to do any of the stupid shit he’s promised.

Not that that would ever happen.

I have celiac disease. Luckily once it’s diagnosed and you stop eating ‘the gluten’, they pretty much stop doing tests. I haven’t had to consume large quantities of sprite or barium in many years.

I had a colonoscopy about two years ago, and when I picked up my barium prescription, it said to prepare it with water, so I did. That stuff tastes so vile that about a quarter of the time I just puked it up after I swallowed. I remember the instructions said to drink it over the course of an hour. I think it took me…

Nurses are (usually) the best. I’ve been fantastically lucky every time I’ve been in the hospital.

God what a fucking asshole doctor!

I’ve been on an ng tube once in my life and I’d better never have to do it again. I had the ng tube for 24 hours. It was worse - so much worse - than 2 weeks on a ventilator and I’m not joking.

I have to comment on every thread that discusses intestinal problems.

Yea, the way the friend seems off. I get suspicious whenever a close friend is publishing books about the celebrity. I imagine the truth is somewhere in the middle. Which is still sad enough.