I met him twice in my former role as a sportswriter. Once for an early morning interview in the dining room of the hotel he was saying in in downtonw Chicago. He was sitting alone eating breakfast and saw me coming in and gave me the biggest greeting. The first thing he said to me was, “So, are you married?” I was…

This’ll be fun when they come stumbling back down stairs in the dark looking for something to eat. And stepping on those stiletto heel is pretty sexy too.

If you and your precious personal space can’t handle a couple of inches of recline from the person in front, you can go burn yourself in a dumpster fire.

“Pull over...”

I know one or two people who live in Denver (I lived there for there for three years) who will this story as evidence that the decriminalization of marijuana there is a sign of the apocalypse. They think it is not only the downfall of Denver but the downfall of civilization. It’s worth noting that the people I know…

Why do so many white people feel like they HAVE to use the word “cookout”? They think that just because a rapper used the word that, ALL black people are cool with the word “cookout.”

If he’s making a video of her, that’s yet ANOTHER egregious breech of protocol. I mean, vertical, right?

For instance, I’ve seen people perform bicep curls by thrusting their pelvis forward and arching their back just to get the weights up.

It’s a good thing that guy was wearing a helmet.

Yeah, the jumping-in-after-someone-else-suckers-the-guy move may be the most assholish thing about this whole stupid situation. You don’t have enough guts to lead the chickenshit rear attack but you suddenly develop the nerve once the guy is down on the ground and for the most part incapacitated?

I’ve spend my entire morning walking around yelling, “Promo Code: Lucky2! Promo Code: Lucky2!”

With his sidekick, Long Snapper, they battle foes and gravity alike...

“They appear to be keeping some very important secret from one member of their team, who keeps hanging around the fringes trying to eavesdrop...”

Kaepernick goes wide. And there’s another break. Everyone has a drink. My, there are some breaks. More breaks than Alcatraz. That’s a poor analogy. There were no breaks from Alcatraz. Or was there? Sean Connery made one in that silly film with Nicolas Cage in which Sean says: ‘Yes I will look after your Humvee,’ or…

“So here’s some dickhead wearing a Red Sox cap...”

Jon Miller also works pretty well too.

Their date night looks sweet. It’s too bad the restaurant was so crowded they had to share a chair.

The key to coping with baldness - as it relates to cutting off the remaining hair - is having a nicely shaped head. Weird shaped heads can only double the agony of going bald.

In The Wave’s defense, that guy doesn’t look like he stands up for much of anything: people trying to get out of the seat next to him on the bus, women entering a room, house fires...