The Stand was a fantastic half a book, followed by a stinker of a second half.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?????

It's one of the few they got right, in my opinion. But I'm not a redundantly entitled doctor, so what do I know?

As an officially certified audiophile, I could easily tell the compressed files from the lossless files. Why no, I won't take the test in front of witnesses; you will just have to take my word for my amazing aural abilities.

Well, if you really didn't like him, then I suppose it was lossless.

"Hey Jude" is one of the MOST skippable Beatles songs, coming in second after Revolution #9. "Here Comes the Sun," on the other hand….

Sigh. I really wanted to like this movie.

A Bridge Not Quite Far Enough

It is a scientific fact that school desks are the safest piece of furniture to shield yourself from the effects of a nuclear blast. Or an earthquake.

Kubrick was right— every one of those posters is terrible. He should have just gone back to the guy who did the posters for 2001.

What she did is something that I certainly might have done, and I would fully expect to be mocked upon my untimely death.

Nope. The cover art isn't the least bit repellant— it just doesn't come close to matching the quality of the music waiting inside.

I really, really hated that song. But to be fair, the entire genre pretty much sucks. Honey, Wildfire, Billy Don't Be a Hero, The Night Chicago Died, they all sucked. And they led to later songs like John Cougar's Jack and Diane, and that damn song by Charlie Daniels which was endless and totally sucked.

You forgot the sixth rule of American culture: blame anything you don't like on Hollywood.

IT'S REAL!!! I was on the set of The Dark Knight that day, and I saw Heath Ledger use his skateboard to jump over Christian Bale. In fact, I took that picture.

If they want authenticity, all the producers have to do is to contact Jennifer Lopez. She got a first edition of The Iliad as a thoughtful gift from The Boy Next Door.

The AV Club is apparently amazed and amused that 70-year old women can watch a movie and write about it.

Where I grew up, the reaction to The Exorcist was largely based on religion. Catholic kids took it seriously, were properly scared, and enjoyed in immensely, and everyone else thought it was a pretty stupid movie.

So I guess I can stop waiting by the phone. (Sighs an amazingly awesome evil sigh).

And his mysterious lumberjack partner kills him and feeds his body parts to the local spotted owl population, saving them from extinction and redeeming everyone's soul in the process.