The fake story was actually inspired by Jose Canseco, who intentionally uses testosterone cream as aftershave lotion.

I once got tricked into thinking my uncle's cream was aftershave. Needless to say, he wasn't allowed to babysit me anymore after that.

Curt Schilling should use the "my Twitter was hacked" excuse to explain his recent thoughts on evolution.

+1, fantastic parody of a brain-dead FSU fan in denial

No, these guys don't deserve this level of ridicule. I am sure that, as investigations progress, the level of ridicule will be increased to an appropriate level for such a deserving bunch of criminals who shit all over thousands of college athletes who do not represent a penal colony disguised as a university.

Looks like FSU's secondary was just practicing bump and run.

Or maybe "Cujo." You two should cross-reference your Stephan King reads.

Yeah. It's absolutely Superfudge.

Looks like it was discussed in Judy Blume's "Superfudge." 10-11 years old sounds about right.

I think I read that in a Stephen King book when I was 10 or 11. I've been trying to see it for the last 25 years.

They Say That When Blood Hits The Ice, It Bounces

They also say that when blood hits the field, you're not playing ball for a week.

NHL Dentist: I warned you to stop eating icing.

Yeah, he forgot to multiply the .883 in the parenthesis. It's actually 111.371.

Is this where y'all's new math has led you? Calculating winning percentage by transposing the number of losses, adding this to the number of wins, and then dividing this by the number of games played? Somebody's spreadsheet just lost its dootlin' mind.

Order of operations, man! Gotta multiply 63 x .883 before you subtract. The correct answer is 111.371.

Ha ha ha. What a bunch of dopes. The answer is actually 104.

Sorry, it's .666, math be damned.