Does it look like I know how your shit works? SURE. EVERYWHERE. I’LL JUST DO IT EVERWHERE.

Pssst, the House of Representatives hangs out at the Capitol building, not the White House.

I’m gonna come down there and rage-menstruate all over your goddamn White House.

you really shouldn’t be operating a segway while stoned anyway

No. How fucking dare she imply that these two soldiers, graduates of West Point, an MP and a helicopter pilot, who worked so incredibly hard to even get the chance to attend Ranger school, and then completed it against all odds, how fucking dare she even think they should just shut up and go away and do ladylike…

“I believe in equality and all those things, but....”

They can keep their penises to themselves. That would be grand.

That only happened in Chicago, 2008 :/

Goddammit, I KNEW I submitted Why Your Website Sucks too early this year :/

Nope. This is something that BOTH men and women do. But ONLY women are penalized and criticized for it. It’s not because it “sounds terrible.” It’s because sexism.

What does one do with a trophy lion head? I imagine that showing it off to people elicits “divisive and emotionally charged” reactions, so I would guess that he just sits around in his basement staring at the big cat heads on the wall jerkin off.

“oh, i didn’t realize it was like, a CELEBRITY lion, i thought i was just, legally, murdering a NORMAL lion.

In defense of the skirt steak sandwich lady

As it has been over 12 hours since my initial comment, I shall deem you all inadequate troll hunters. My life is complete. Witness me. I ride to Valhalla, shiny and chrome.

Maybe when someone has been locked in a basement their whole lives, you shouldn’t be taking Kimmy Schmidt to the sandwich shop first thing.

Great, now you’ve let the secret out. Everyone’s going to use it.

Not really. Earlier this month a guy in Maine got drunk, tried to launch a firework off his head, and the explosion killed him. No one is blaming booze in his case, not even his poor mother who is busy trying to get Maine to reinstate their fireworks ban. Since no one blamed alcohol for causing the firework to blow…

He didnt die due to eating a cookie. He died because he came to a sudden stop.

It’s about ethics in Music Television nominations.

And AND AND is talking about winning already! She’ll share her stage with Nicki. So generous! Girl Power!