Tim Cook is probably smart enough, but let’s not kid ourselves. The guy has been riding a bike downhill for years and thinks he’s ready for the Tour.

In United’s case, it means that the planes have never been retrofit with updated seats, power, overhead storage. They are generally dirtier. I’m less concerned about safety, although longer time in service does lead to more fatigue.

Although I’m not looking for F-16s and B-52s to have lie-flat seats, good overhead storage space and a clean bathroom.

No shit. But that doesn’t mean that either B-52s are optimal (they’re not) or that United should regularly be flying 20+ year old planes.

You are correct, although the chances that these old planes have non-functional seats, HVAC or other amenities etc is high even when the brakes, flaps and engines are all working.

Not quite as good as the guy who got disembowled by a buffalo, but a good one nonetheless. I’m sure someone posted this already, but I haven’t seen it yet. It’s a classic.

If you don’t land in the Hudson, you get bupkis.

I always read the airworthiness certificate, and no one has ever said anything about it.

I have found two things (and only two things) that Siri can do reliably:

Now, if you want to talk “Gil Thorp,” I’m all in.

For a brief period of time, push-to-talk was the shit.

Reader’s guide for young people

I’ve got nothing to say other than that man is the love child of Jimmy Johnson and Jimmy Carter.

Infield grounder? What? It was a line drive to right field. I don’t think you’re watching the right thing.

Clearly it’s a Jabba the Hutt Apple Turnover. (Is that a little too specific?)

And before I get a lot of shit for saying cops are dumb, they literally are and are proud of it. There’s a fairly recentish, famous lawsuit in which someone didn’t get hired by their local police force because he scored too high on the aptitude test, and when he sued the police force’s defense was that they didn’t…

phonetically, Cock, let’s be honest with ourselves here

Remember the dumbest guy in your high school class? Yeah, he’s a municipal cop now.

You can be very polite while requesting that he come back with a warrant. They aren’t mutually exclusive, although it’ll probably be the cop who escalates the rhetoric of the conversation when you tell him that you’re not letting him in.