He who throws with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

“He gripped the baseball with his hand. You won’t believe what happened next.”

I do not throw a baseball with my hand; I throw a baseball with my heart.

He got HAMMERED in one of his starts for the Rangers before his trade. When the trade came around, the Dodgers said that he’d been hit hard because he was tipping pitches and that they’d be able to fix it.

Here’s what I need to know

You throw a baseball with your hand.

The Dodgers wouldn’t have noticed because it’s not a statistic that is counted using sabermetrics

Louisiana guy here who’s old enough to have voted against David Duke in the early 90s. I hated the flag then and hate it even more now.

Richmond, Virginia checking in, and that would be negative. Although, some of my family may disagree...Guess who didn’t get invited to Christmas this year? I’m going to Brazil tomorrow, for two weeks, for the Holidays to see some Brazilian friends in Sao Paulo and I AM HYPE!

No, this born and raised Texan HATES this damn flag. I would never have one in my home or in my possession. I am actually antagonistic to the assholes with the “Heritage Not Hate” bumper stickers.

Or maybe he was making really loud fart noises into the phone during the call.  Let shit sort it self out before jumping to conclusions Mr. President.

Isn’t that the archery guy from the Avengers?

. . . domestic-related assault and prevention of a 911 call . . .

He also broke a mirror. He’s supposed to get seven years bad luck, but his lawyer thinks he can get him five.

Pederson’s offense is a KIA. Carson Wentz was Michael Schumacher driving a KIA. Now Foles is driving a KIA. Philly is screwed.

Also I hope Nick Foles turns into Superman and wins a Super Bowl because 2017 is WEIRD

Every group of dudes I passed walking to work today in Philly was talking about ACLs like fucking expert physicians

This is a shame because Philadelphia fans are generally such a pleasant lot who just can’t catch a break despite years of loyal and kindhearted devotion to their hometown teams.

I mean, I agree with you, but if *only* it were the case that he were simply relaxing while watching TV, and letting humans handle the presidential work. What seems to actually be happening is his attention is perpetually diffused; despite being at the heart of public affairs, with access to first-hand information on…

Better joke: Giraffe walks into a bar and says, “Highballs on me!”