Hell, he called liberals evil in the goddamn title of his book:

Also, and I apologize if I'm getting into wild conspiracy theories here, but there have been persistent rumors of another president who served during this timeframe. This so-called 43rd president is said to have served between Clinton and Obama. Many people, and Republicans in particular, refuse to acknowledge his…

It's particularly egregious when they're omitting Christian references from what were ultimately pagan celebrations.

If the founding fathers didn't want me to have my own ICBM, they would have put it in the Constitution.

A major problem at work, which I have been dealing with for four months, just resolved itself on its own this morning. All signs had pointed to the problem increasing in difficulty and time commitment, so I'm still in shock at the moment.

The tone of this article seems to indicate that there are people out there that believe they "finished" a Zelda game without unlocking every possible item.

But we have a really interesting terrorist role on another movie we're working on, and we think you'd be perfect for it!

I feel like anybody who cracks jokes about participation trophies has no idea what participation trophies were. They were little keepsakes, and were never presented as something you earned or won. They're just souvenirs to help you remember that summer you spent the league mandated minimum number of innings in deep…

That's a bit harsh. I just want the copy editor to be fired for that blunder.

They have copy editors, but they rarely last very long. We commenters always demand that they be fired whenever we find an incredibly obscure error that is irrelevant to the larger point.

The nice thing about Sling is that you can cancel at any time. If you switch to Direct TV, you're likely looking at a 2-year contact.

The overlap between the "Don't take him literally" and the "He tells it like it is" folks still astounds me.

You guys are all going to feel really dumb when you realize that it was a metaphor this entire time. My attendance at various sporting events in the early 2000s leads me to believe that the "dogs" in this case, represent athletic prowess, and the person letting them out is actually the home team.

That's a real Kamchatka thing to say.

Also, that outrageous $0.14 price hike was actually padded with extra profit:

They still sell something similar to the kids these days. There's a kiosk in the mall near me that sell shirts in that same style that say things like "u mad bro?"

Also, even taking all the Russia stuff out of the picture, there was still this:

If you ever look at the nutritional information for Combos, you'll probably start thinking to yourself that they weren't nearly as bad as you thought…and then you notice that the standard gas station bag is supposed to be 6 goddamn servings.

What about that $4 a bottle water that had music playing as it was bottled to create positive vibrations? That's totally legit, right?

Wait, we're supposed to get Christmas gifts for our brothel too? Goddammit, just when I thought I was done shopping…