Hopefully said coitus isn't another "fur-covered family melodrama".

We've got a historic theater from the 20s, a true movie palace, that will once in a while—for benefits and special film festivals—play silent movies. Several years ago, I went to a showing of Wings with a full orchestra in the pit playing along. It was magnificent.

He *is* a very handsome man. Look at those soulful eyes.

She's disfigured generations of Vietnamese. The world will have live with her terrible legacy.

Maybe it means his dick doesn't sleep with Catholics, Jews and the yellow races.

"Kate Hudson, do you like eating dogshit or making romcoms with Matthew McConaughey?"

Sarah Jessica Parker horse jokes never get old around here, Mahatma. The meme is over when it's over.

The one good thing about Frederick's is that they sell all kinds of larger-sized bras for ladies who are very well endowed by nature. You can't find anything over a DD in most stores, from K-Mart to Bloomingdale's.

I love Zach G, but there's no fucking way I'm going to watch SNL. That show is painfully unfunny. Always has been.

I'm sorry, but Flash wins for pajayjays.

Exit to Eden killed any trust I have in humanity.

You're also giving us Top Gear and Kitchen Nightmares, so I think we're still friends.

Dwight came to my town several years ago to do an all-acoustic concert. I'm still bummed I didn't get tickets—the show sold out in less than five minutes.

There's gonna be a one-way ticket to Fist City if her article gets pushed back again!

70s Charlie Rich is just fine by me. He's got the smoothest voice in country music, and this comes through in his "countrypolitan" period.

"Take the ribbon from my hair…" Yeah, Help Me Make It Through the Night is better in a woman's voice.

Dr. Rev, I take it you've never been to Idaho?

The toughest crew on da block are da Hooters Girls, yo.

Gee, I don't have to make any changes to Pearl Necklace.

I keeps one in my wallet, in case you be ponderin'.