I was seeing this girl and the first time we ever went grocery shopping together she suggested we get Napoleon ice cream. When I said I had no idea what Napoleon ice cream was, she replied "You know, the kind with chocolate, strawberry and vanilla in one." We broke up a couple weeks later.

I'm just waiting for the girl who says Dogtooth.

The episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air when Will's real dad shows up to reconnect with his son just to abandon him and break his heart all over again.

Julian Casawhatever looks like Liza Minnelli and the bassist is still a dead ringer for Rocky Dennis.

Cooler than whatever shitty band you're into at the moment.

Do the comments sections of Community recaps usually devolve into shambolic discussion salads of random-ass topics that are as enjoyable to sift through as an AOL chat room from 1998?

hugs

One of the things that people loved about Community early on was its unrepentant silliness. It was a smart and self-aware show, but it wasn't above throwing in wacky shit just because sometimes that's the funniest shit. And now that it fucking sucks, I'm wondering if the hardcore fans whose devotion to the show…

If your preference for using "&" over "and" is a way to keep things short and concise, it's not working.

I listened to a bit of Megan Ganz on Pete Holmes' podcast today and she made it sound like working on Community wasn't a very positive experience (there was something about sitting on the floor of her shower, contemplating how the suffering wasn't worth the two or three minutes of yuks she was offering up to the…

That's always been the interesting thing about Fallon — his ability to sing/dance/perform in wacky skits. And it's not just his showmanship that sets him apart from the rest of the white men in suits, it's his whole Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland-let's-put-on-a-show enthusiasm, which stands in stark contrast to the sort…

I'll always be fascinated by the late night maneuverings and bullshit, even as I realize the shows are increasingly irrelevant. (Especially the Tonight Show.) I remember realizing a couple of years ago that Tonight was probably going to end up in Fallon's lap, who's talented but ultimately a fucking moron. (No one's…

As God is my witness, someone will assert "Straight Up" still holds up before the night is over.

It's bullshit they're not rebroadcasting Los Angeles. That entire season wasn't not funny.

I'll go see them in Pomona if I want to know what color boat shoes are going to be on trend this season.

Now that House is history, Josh Charles is the only Dead Poets Society alum with a steady gig.

He should have mined some of that Pete Holmes resentment for the role.

Parks and Rec has a dullness problem. I've always liked it, but I've never actually looked forward to the airing of a new episode. It's elicited laugh-out-loud moments, but none that I can remember that didn't involve Jerry farting. The show is a pint of Haagen-Dazs vanilla ice cream. It's extra medium. It's fucking…

I was going to say forget everything I just said since you're a self-described baseball dude, but now that I know you have a Red Sox tattoo I think it's safe to assume you're the worst person in the world.

My initial reaction — this is some of the worst writing about sports I've ever come across. But the more I read, the more I felt like I could leave out the words "about sports."