you're in luck, Dumbledore: the narrator is Ron Guidry!

you hate your keyboard player because he's BLACK, never had the courage to tell him soooooooooooo

I think we all now know what's been holding this season down - no Dr. Spaceman

That speech was fingernails-on-a-chalkboard for me, except for that gag about the snack table—Kenneth's reaction ("… that's not very helpful") was terrific

"Cut! New lens! Lou covered it in spittle again!"

she's also testing great with housewives, negroes, queers … we've got to update these forms

"No one steps on a church in MY TOWN!"

the irony is that Simmons is more fun to read/listen to when he's NOT talking about sports. The guy's a savvy pop culture critic, sports … notsomuch.

I'm a fan of the "I Know Black People" quiz show

FUCK YOU WHAAAAALE

Gabe Paul

caption contest?
"Chris Brown IS Bono in 2001: A Space Odyssey"

alley …

Bourdain's also built like Joey Ramone

someone get Franz Beckenbauer's agent on the phone!

ARod's voice isn't weird except for his kinda-Hispanic-but-not-really accent

Can I get in the hottub?
(Yeah!)
Will it make me sweat?
(Yeah!)
Can I get it the hottub?
(Yeah!)
Will it make me wet?
(Yeah!)
Well … well … well … well …
[funky breakdown]

DENTAL PLAN

Abed's Batman was tits

the Ivy League winner gets an automatic bid to the NCAAs