* inspirational music swells, Hunsweasel runs downstairs to the kitchen to greet Lord Lucan, music suddenly switches to Psycho strings… *

If only Vince McMahon wrote real life - this would be the heel turn of the century.

"Now"?

"jackass uncle Jay Leno"

I doubt I could have dredged him up from the ol' mind palace if I hadn't read recently that he's going to be in the next Captain America movie.

"H-Man" would be a good name for @Heisenberg:disqus.

Can't wait until BioFrau goes up against Batroc the Leaper.

Obviously fake - Texas wasn't even in the Union when Washington was President.

I've received maybe forty texts in my life, and one of them had a picture of boobs attached to it. Averaging that out, all texts are awesome.

Speaking of technology, what's the word on this "Steam Box" I keep hearing about? Will I really be able to go for a schvitz without leaving the house?

Check your lease, man!

At Wharton, they called that a "Dikachu Purchase".

Phase 2: ?

Would talking on the phone be less of a chore if people didn't insist that you wipe ballsweat off of the mouthpiece after you're done?

Like Bono, only different.

Yep.

Alternative answer: hey look, it's Truman Cabloate!

I've never seen Tad look so stylin'.

*nods, smiles, gives thumbs up*

If it prevents him from making more of those Gillette razor ads with Adrien Brody and Gael Garcia Bernal, all the better. Those things were so uber-douchey I was compelled to retroactively dock Stankonia half a grade.