If it's your first, I assume you're at a point in life where saving money is pointless, so go fucking nuts.

Uh, so I thought you were bullshitting, but weather.com confirms it's true.  In fact it's still 100 degrees at night.  How the fuck are you still alive?

What about the sequels?  They're even more musical!

My phone music:

You don't have to be alone by yourself if you don't want to be.

Watching that, I think the kid actor actually does a decent job.  There's just no way to save the writing.

It took me longer than it should have to figure out whether you were talking about the AV Club user or the Parks and Recreation character.

If you love Canada so much WHY DON'T YOU FUCK IT

Tangential, but I still have trouble understanding how Simmons has become so indispensable to ESPN.  He can pretty much say whatever he wants without worry, including criticizing ESPN for having rigid TV rules.

But what does it offer separately from all other smartphones?

Holy fucking shit, lesbian weddings are horrifying!

What unique features does the Blackberry offer?

I don't totally agree with Simmons on this, but the two situations are hardly comparable.

I think swiping keyboards have rendered tapping keyboards (physical and virtual) obsolete.

Where is the snarky Newswire for this?

Why should that matter for a network when they can cancel shows as early as the 2nd episode?

How the fuck are 10/90 deals good business sense in any way?

Only because you don't have any

It would be difficult to surf porn with your off hand.

How did you restrain yourself from throwing middle fingers in their faces?  That's what I would've done, shortly after cutting off their middle fingers with my knife hand.