It's like a musician responding to a critical drubbing by saying, "Look, I only know how to play like five chords. Songwriting is hard!"

Good writers always tell you how limited words are as a way to express yourself.

Imagine being such a fucking clown that CNN is your bete noir. It's like being a criminal mastermind constantly vexed by Inspector Clouseau.

JEFFREY LORD, SHOUTING WHILE WEARING A FULL S.S. UNIFORM: Actually, YOU'RE the Nazi!

They'd probably bring him on the show if he was up for it. They shouldn't indulge this ruined stooge looking to rehab his flaccid image, but SNL (and I say this as a longtime fan of the show the way some people are Cubs fans for life) has very few convictions.

I think they've got to be pretty good in the context of SNL, but putting them out there on their own really highlights that the SNL take isn't always the hardest-hitting.

I am actually mildly red-green colorblind. I wore what I thought were a pair of gray dress pants for two years before someone told me they were olive.

I think the Watchmen movie has given film critics and scholars a wonderful teachable moment to discuss "faithfulness" in adaptation, and how a movie can artfully recreate the surface of the source material while totally missing the point on the meaning of the text.

Heh heh…"D".

*clinks champagne flutes*

It is such a cliche to say that macho strongman authoritarian posturing is a cover for severe insecurity, but every day it's proven more and more true.

It would be unquestionably badass to take down a fuckin werewolf with a bullet shaped like its own head.

It's okay as long as they clear it first with a heterosexual lover or, failing that, their nearest male relative.

What can I say: a uniform with a kicky hat will get a lady pretty far with ol Great Boos Up, I'm afraid. I'm not proud, but this is how it is.

Counterpoint: Perhaps this is a shameful admission, but if someone I considered less of a disgraceful waste of space than Kellyanne Conway wore that outfit…I'd kind of be, like, into it.

As you know, Real Americans dislike and feel threatened by all American institutions.

What I think they don't realize is…I'm a nice guy!

Stroike a loight!

Man, do you ever have the words to "Kodachrome" wrong!

I resent him for being more popular than Craig Ferguson.