Oh, good! It's the neighborhood Shower Inspector!

I'm planning to wait a month and watch four episodes all at once. If one single polar bear shows up I'm throwing in the towel right then and there.

Another true fact, that.

Because when I scroll down to the comments section, the first thing I want to see is a true fact.

I know I always make it a point to attend movies that may cause serious peril to life and limb! That's why I saw Yogi Bear!

It all depends on who you know. Some people freak out because every female organism they know has a crush on Robert Pattinson's swoony pale squishy body; some people have the luck to have a circle of friends that snub that shallow dreck.

I wouldn't know, I've never been to a screening. Most of my younger female friends/relatives turn their noses up at that vampire drivel, but I have a few aunts and some friend's moms who go nuts for it.

Yes, truly. Once one narrows down their choices to "women who do not have Twilight listed under "favorite movies" on Facebook", the dating pool becomes more of a dating tub.

BECAUSE IT'S BREAKING FROM GIVING BIRTH TO A CHILD HA HA

For a lot of shrieking girls, Taylor Lautner's llamaface IS the Hypnotoad.

No, no, "catch" as in "go chomp on a juicy nightcrawler which conceals a hook and get eaten by a redneck".

If you have to use the word "shoehorn", you're doing it wrong.

Ah, yes. Scott Ramoosair. Once one of the driving forces behind video game web-based comicry, now lagging behind.

Apparently a lot of the fanbase for Twilight are middle-aged women, as well as squeaky tweens. I don't know if the market for handjobs dries up after age 30, though.

So this is the only thing that'll get you out of seeing Breaking Dawn with your special lady friend: A MEDICAL EMERGENCY.

I personally feel that CAD is the Garfield of webcomics, with its slightly stale art and always going for what feels like the obvious joke, but Penny Arcade is a freakin' masterpiece. I'm reading through the archives right now.

Oh! I can kind of see that being a problem. Unexpected stuff like that is a little hard to avoid, and if you're watching the episodes as the reviews come out that'd be a bit of a wrench in the works.

Because demanding that everything move to your own pace is asshole behavior. Unless the Earth suddenly shifts on its axis and begins following an orbit re: yourself, we're going to keep spoiling things that are a decade old.

Is your grandpa also the sentient penis of a famous basketball player?

Oh you.