Don't rub it in. I know a few parrots that can make you very unhappy.

Or just stop cheating at Chardee MacDennis.

And may your iPod accidentally play your dubstep playlist instead of "Thanksgiving Memories". Your grandparents won't know what hit their earballs.

You have died. Of dysentery-ridden baked goods.

IF I WANT TO BUY TURKEY FROM THE CREEPY TOOTHLESS MAN IN THE ALLEY, I WILL!

Pies don't make stomachs full. People do.

There is so little time, and so many hugs to do!

I can't wait for sexy Turkey Day latex hijinks!

The Lithuanians have been causing trouble lately. Are you prepared to become a Deputy Fort Patroller?

I know you don't. In fact, I edited my comment to make it not say that. Sorry!

You can buy yourself a family with that scratch!

My teacher told me a lot of lies. Like that she could dunk a basketball. Pff.

Everything is fine in… The Town.

Even Lobsters is in a festive mood! Turkey can work miracles.

Six inches of frozen bliss.

Debbie Does Dawes.

Now let's hurry to the Cave of Deep-Fried Memories with the Thanksgiving Wizard, Nathan Rabin!

Im'ma turkey call.

And to all a good American Horror Story, tonight at ten.

Stuffing is for kids.