If they had penises, no one would give a shit about this band.

Looked to me like they were moving them out of the way. They moved a bumper or something too, then made a right and drove off. Unless not.

Solid … bowel movement plan?

I live in Memphis and I've never been. But I do have lots of Elvis stories, as related by friends and family.

100% true story. This is why Elvis never played any shows outside the U.S. Colonel Tom (who never served in any military, by the way) took half of whatever Elvis made and was scared that E would find a better arrangement with someone else if he toured without him.

And they slept together. *shudder*

Absolutely.

Also, he can't hit the high notes anymore, so there's that.

Mr. Mercedes was perfect beach reading, which I suspect was its intended purpose.

AKA The Rolling Stone/Led Zeppelin Effect.

This one?

I had this record …

And I'm disappointed beyond belief that there was no reference to Dawn of the Dead.

But do zombies shit? Seriously, I'm asking.

Pause here for Garrison Keillor's labored breathing.

But while we're on the topic, Michael Feldman is not funny.

Ugh, now I'll have that song stuck in my head the rest of the night.

http://bealestreetcaravan.c…

It could run for years, with just slight variations each season.

But you still have to shell out some dead presidents.