The title
I wish I could find a clip of Patton Oswalt's bit, from the Comedians of Comedy: Live at the El Rey concert, about meaningless movie titles like Something's Gotta Give, As Good As It Gets, and others that I don't remember because there's absolutely no reason to remember them. I'm waiting for the day a movie…

Honey?

She's out, she's proudly polyamorous, and the issue is not that I feel ignored. I've tried to explain to her that her love and mine are like two bodies of water, both with the exact same amount of water, but hers is wide and encompassing and mine is narrower but deeper. So, I guess the reciprocity problem has to do…

And, yeah, ten millennia, not centuries.

We love each other and have had a good marriage, and I would never say my wife is "barely interested" in me.

I once had a woman spend an entire phone conversation telling me how we couldn't see each other, that I shouldn't even contact her because it made it too hard for her to get over her feelings, and then literally in the next breath ask me, "So, what are you doing this afternoon? I'd love to see you."

There's just about no bigger mindfuck than when a woman expects to be "taken" by a man without clearly indicating that's what she wants.

*that

Regarding the whole "grass is greener" thing: I'm in a nontraditional relationship many men would envy: I'm married to a beautiful woman who encourages me to date and is interested in other women, not men (which is irrelevant to me, but seemingly crucial to most guys who have that fantasy).

It sucks to feel lonely, especially on Valentine's Day, so my marshmallow heart goes out to you. But there's a difference between being alone and being lonely, and you can certainly be lonely even though you're in a relationship. Sometimes that's worse than being alone.

I think Eternal Sunshine pretty much deconstructs the whole nebbish/MPDG dynamic, with Clementine complaining about Joel, "That pathetic, wimpy, apologetic smile — that sort of wounded-puppy shit he does," and Joel saying, "I think if there's a truly seductive quality about Clementine, it's that her personality…

I once dated a girl whose ex's birthday was Valentine's Day — an ex who died after they'd been in a blissful relationship for 12 years. Luckily, we weren't involved long enough to actually experience a Valentine's Day together.

I'd like to hate Russell Brand's guts, but he's been good in everything I've seen him in, and he seems charismatic and whip-smart in every interview I've heard him give. I think this movie actually looks pretty decent, and there were some funny lines in the trailer.

I'll never forget how mercilessly I was teased at school because all my orgasms were made by my mom or given to me secondhand by my older brother.

Better underwater nudity: Agutter in Walkabout or Helen Mirren in Age of Consent?

Space Pope clearly meant "round of applesauce."

Nobody will say it, but it was flat-out wrong that Pierce was fired for taking the initiative to build a time machine and journey to the future for a review. The AV Club's time-traveler discrimination is abominable.

Jesus, he does look like Weird Al. Which do you think had more lines, the script or Brand's forehead?

House of the Devil was the first thing I saw Gerwig in, and I became instantly smitten with her. I just watched Greenberg the night before last and thought she was perfect. Maybe her subsequent roles are a way to get entertainment journalists to stop using the phrase "mumblecore queen" nearly every single fucking…

Netflix is frequently frustrating, but not so much when it comes to Criterion releases, I don't think. Just about everything in the Criterion catalog is available to watch instantly — even Still Walking, which just came out yesterday.