One of my favorite Far Side cartoons was of a cow wearing a chef's hat, grilling hamburgers, while one of a group of other cows in the background says, "You're sick, Jesse! Sick, sick, sick!"

Yeah, I would have anticipated a lot of "No difference of opinion about a TV show, band, book, or movie could keep me from gettin' some sex!" responses to a question like this, but come on, really. Each of us obviously identifies somehow with our pop-culture predilections; we invest some amount of ourselves in them,…

I'm right with you on both counts. Let me ask this, though: Do you get defensive when people dismissively lump the Marx Brothers together with the Three Stooges? I find myself feeling the need to explain that the Marx Brothers weren't just about slapstick but sophisticated verbal wit … Dadaism … still-pointed…

Sort of adding on to the girlfriend/boyfriend litmus test …
Imagine having just gone on an incredible dinner date. Everything was as good as it could possibly get — the conversation, the chemistry, the … food, etc. — and now the two of you are relaxing back at your/his/her place, chatting casually but romantically,…

Aw, thanks, Snape.

I will never, ever get tired of that "I'm seein' double here — four ______!" Simpsons reference.

That was pretty good, Aler, I must admit.

That was pretty good, Aler, I must admit.

Whatever Norah Vincent's self-fulfilling predisposition, I have to agree with the general assessment of mental-health care that is described in this review. I worked for years as the medical-care coordinator for both public and private treatment centers, and I'm disgusted by the shameful differences between the two…

I guess I was born a crotchety old man, but I think I'm becoming progressively more easy-going and accepting, Benjamin Button-style. Of course, now all of the music I ignored when I was young is labeled Adult Rock, which only makes me feel old.

A couple weeks before I moved out of an apartment in the middle of August, I noticed a foul stench filling the place. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from, and it grew increasingly fetid. After I was all moved out, I went back to look for some missing household item, and I opened the kitchen utensil drawer…

Oh, no, not the bees! Not the bees! Aaaahhhh! Oh, no, they're in my eyes! My eyes! Aaaahhh! Aaaarrrgh!

I've never seen "Two and a Half Men," but I appreciated Charlie Sheen in "Being John Malkovich," and I will forever treasure my 1994 copy of Movieline magazine featuring an interview with Sheen, in which he drunkenly trashes all of his peers, describes his ideal suicide ("If I was gonna go out, I wouldn't do it like…

Lame as this may sound, I liked him in "Music and Lyrics." And I give him pretty extensive credit for movies like "Bitter Moon" and Ken Russell's "The Lair of the White Worm."

I was in high school when Cobain killed himself. Even though I was the most artistically inclined kid in my school (or in my entire hometown or county, for that matter), I was disdainful of artsy-fartsy or "alternative culture" posturing. I went to art school and wrote music and poetry, but I walked a ridiculously…

For the time being, I'm going to keep the handle Harlow just for the sake of kicking it around a bit, or as a manifestation of self-deprecation. At some point, maybe "Harlow" and I can fight to the death, either resulting in the stronger screen name prevailing or our mutual destruction. Like Superman and Bizarro, or…

That's "you guys." Also, I'll just flat-out ask: Should I do away with "Harlow" or not?

It's funny, because I was just wishing that I owned three t-shirts bearing the respective humorous messages "Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus?," "Area Man," and "Owls Are Assholes." If there were some sort of online store that sold them, I would SHOP NOW.

Well, Dr. John sang the "Blossom" theme song. I think his doctorate is in night-trippin', but it's possible that it's in astronomy.

I wonder if her neuroscience doctorate has changed her opinionation about whether or not the sun is gonna surely shine.