You were dong so well, Francis.

Something about this seems vaguely un-self-aware to me; people got obsessed with Adnan and Hae and Jay the same way Sarah did, but apparently unlike her they're supposed to, I don't know, feel bad about it?

These are seriously all more hilarious than any actual New Yorker cartoon.

I don't get it.

I think it's just okay. Have never understood people's obsession with it.

Soft-boiled eggs are the world's most perfect food.

I'm not sure what you mean by breakfast sauces but this does sound delicious. How do you cook the eggs?

Honestly, it's not disputed that he did it. Even the dumbass statement above says he was never arrested or convicted, which is true, but doesn't go so far as to claim it never happened.

Or she actually filed for divorce after it happened. What the hell are you talking about?

Alfred Douglas was such a little shit.

So classy to drag Madonna's name into this horseshit. "Go ahead, ask her! Ask her about the time she dropped the charges after he assaulted her so she could just divorce his ass and make it all go away quicker!"

Shere Khan, obviously. Come on, people.

My techniques guarantee male orgasm.

I'll always admire Cosmo for its decades-long commitment to exploring new ways to make a man come, a skill that is slightly easier to master than boiling water.

Whenever Hannibal's not mentioned in an article, all the AV Clubbers should be asking "Where's Hannibal?"

…. NICE!

HAMMMMMMMMM

Nah.

… You mean like my mom? HOW DO YOU KNOW MY MOM

Now be nice or us mean capricious ladies will take away Broad City.