Rick: I killed Shane! I wanted him dead! He came after me! He thought *I* was in the way?! Oh yeah, and it was self-defense….

Start with Ender's Game. Then stop.

Jay Retread

Sister-girl-whose-name-I-don't-know-or-care-what-it-is should be stumbling around muttering "I cannot go on. I must go on."

This is one of the most realistic-feeling cop shows I've seen, but wouldn't it be more realistic if they showed cops tasering old ladies in wheelchairs, pepper-spraying college students at a sit in, and billy-clubbing suspects who are cuffed and prostrate on the pavement?

The Mattel® Hoverboard isn't a mode of transportation at all. It's a mode of standing still.

I love the way Sam Neill said, "Harold Robbins?" No one's voice drips with disdain quite like his…

Walter knows what potassium iodide and Red Dye No. 4 taste like. Of course.

Is everyone on here a straight dude or what? Jeez. He's hot. End of story.

After 5 minutes of 50 First Dates, I thought, oh God, this is going to happen 49 more times??

Don't forget "My Dinner with Andre," which they should totally remake with Wallace Shawn made up as a Ferengi.

Didn't you know that those new-fangled digital movie cameras can only see blue and orange?

JJ Abrams seems to think that the longer you make the audience wait for the answers, the more satisfying the answers will be. But really, the opposite is true. And I think at some level he knows that, because that's why we get the audience-surrogate characters constantly asking the obvious questions, which are then…

@avclub-4a51fda79bbd54b4e7327dd6559b6c4d:disqus Your dad had a plan to assassinate the remaining Kennedy brothers?

Wow, that's a load of kwappi movies.

Like "Adventure" for the Atari 2600?

How about a cash register "cha-ching" for all the piles of money Abrams has made off of this warmed-over Lost remnant?

You mean ¡Rob! don't you? The one with ¡Rob! ¿Schneider?

Colin Farrell and Sam Worthington star in "Phone Booth on a Ledge!" It has the most impressive shot of a phone booth falling through the air since The Blues Brothers!

Colin Farrell and Sam Worthington star in "Phone Booth on a Ledge!" It has the most impressive shot of a phone booth falling through the air since The Blues Brothers!