“Why not? Give me one good reason why we shouldn't get married."
"Because trying to fuck you is like trying to french-kiss a very…. small and… lively gerbil? With braces?”

"There’s no use in denying it: this has been a bad week. I’ve started drinking my own urine."

"There’s no use in denying it: this has been a bad week. I’ve started drinking my own urine."

He was into that whole Yale thing… Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

He was into that whole Yale thing… Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

Listen, you'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons in 20 minutes.

Listen, you'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons in 20 minutes.

Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply "Whitney Houston" had 4 number one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie? It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks, but "The Greatest Love of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation, dignity. Its…

Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply "Whitney Houston" had 4 number one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie? It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks, but "The Greatest Love of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation, dignity. Its…

Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral…

Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral…

Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog, a collie, was named Lassie?

Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog, a collie, was named Lassie?

Didn't @avclub-cfe912f5cb3aa572bd1c9ae2a9b82207:disqus  already comment on @avclub-e57f718840a576abbb40a7d046c4e3b0:disqus  making this comment about @avclub-f8f8c273f326be25421cc62737d24a9e:disqus  making this comment?

Didn't @avclub-cfe912f5cb3aa572bd1c9ae2a9b82207:disqus  already comment on @avclub-e57f718840a576abbb40a7d046c4e3b0:disqus  making this comment about @avclub-f8f8c273f326be25421cc62737d24a9e:disqus  making this comment?

Love him or hate him, Hitler killed a ton of Jews.

Love him or hate him, Hitler killed a ton of Jews.

I stare into a thin, web-like crack above the urinal's handle and think to myself that if I were to disappear into that crack, say somehow miniaturize and slip into it, the odds are good that no one would notice I was gone. No… one… would… care. In fact some, if they noticed my absence, might feel an odd, indefinable…

I stare into a thin, web-like crack above the urinal's handle and think to myself that if I were to disappear into that crack, say somehow miniaturize and slip into it, the odds are good that no one would notice I was gone. No… one… would… care. In fact some, if they noticed my absence, might feel an odd, indefinable…

You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.