Well, there goes the title for my memoir.

Well, there goes the title for my memoir.

Hey, wait—I would like to register some kind of complaint.

Hey, wait—I would like to register some kind of complaint.

I'd actually argue that the story works fine on its own—I read it in fourth grade with only a vague idea of its allegorical elements, and it still became one of my favorite novels. (For what it's worth, one of my highly precocious college friends read it at the same age, evidently with more knowledge of the history…

I'd actually argue that the story works fine on its own—I read it in fourth grade with only a vague idea of its allegorical elements, and it still became one of my favorite novels. (For what it's worth, one of my highly precocious college friends read it at the same age, evidently with more knowledge of the history…

But it has Marlon Wayans! Nick Swardson! Cederic the Entertainer! Yes, it has a million billion trillion stars.

But it has Marlon Wayans! Nick Swardson! Cederic the Entertainer! Yes, it has a million billion trillion stars.

Not to mention Silent Movie of the Lambs.

Not to mention Silent Movie of the Lambs.

But is it better than Silence of the Lambs?

But is it better than Silence of the Lambs?

I was really hoping that at least one of these movies would be Danny, The Champion of the World.

I was really hoping that at least one of these movies would be Danny, The Champion of the World.

Personally, I'm a little surprised that more people haven't taken up vaping. It's safe, pleasant, arguably cheaper than smoking, and still gives you access to that sweet, sweet nicotine.

Personally, I'm a little surprised that more people haven't taken up vaping. It's safe, pleasant, arguably cheaper than smoking, and still gives you access to that sweet, sweet nicotine.

The Beyond the Sea soundtrack definitely belongs here. (It's a legitimately excellent album, by the way.)

The Beyond the Sea soundtrack definitely belongs here. (It's a legitimately excellent album, by the way.)

It would really only make sense as a DVD with a Johnny Truant commentary track.

It would really only make sense as a DVD with a Johnny Truant commentary track.