Or this pure poetry works:

Some Kind of Commercial

Horshack laugh

Dikachu! Teacher, mother, secret lover…

Agree. But… aren't you an AVClub staff fake commentator endorsing this?

:: funky bass plays ::

"The lesson is don't try."

I'm from Kansas. Friends here in the west sometimes say that I'm from "back East."

You could buy your way into heaven!

Oh yes it can. Maine has mountains, a coast, seafood, etc.
Nebraska has tornados and wheat fields.

I tried to swim in an infinity pool once but couldn't even finish the first lap.

Involuntary Virgin Commentators

It's like Tupperware.

What is Kelsey Grammar doing in an action movie?
And I notice that the one female is the only one turned to show her T&A.
Stay classy, Hollywood.

Nah. He'll only use a bow and arrow because of the aesthetics.

It's funny 'cause it's true.

Well at least there isn't Gentle Herpes on the menu.

Gwmoney from milking a Gwbrand.

y = (7/3)x + 5

…