Boop boop beeee!!

Every time someone has ever gossiped about someone in the office boning someone else, it's always followed by profound shuddering.

Everyone should listen to those songs. Except for people that pay $30 to listen to them on reissue "vinyls."

Honestly, poor amplification and crappy little speakers are the only thing really wrong with music nowadays. I was recently in a junk shop/warehouse that was selling all kinds of thrift store crap and I noticed that the music in that place was sounding particularly fine. That was when I noticed the cast-off 1970s-era…

I've gone horseback riding off and on ever since I was a kid and horses will absolutely kill you by accident. Last time I rode a horse, I wore a helmet. I'm old, not senile. A robot horse that doesn't kill anybody does so by defying the laws of physics.

Counter-counterpoint - Talk with fans of the movie from Japan and the rest of the Pacific Rim and they'll tell you that Raymond Burr is in American Godzilla for the same reason that Mickey Rooney is in "Breakfast at Tiffany's."

I'll stop making ironic jokes about "coastal elites" if you promise to never seriously use the term "real people" again. They're both just right-wing talking points and I'm done.

When I left small town America, there were still folks around who remembered the Great Depression. I never could follow my dream of being a big city shyster who cons gullible rubes. Those people were shrewd.

I like it when it melts into the crevices. Am I doing this right?

Goblin Seamen.

Reading Friedman's "Any Similarity to Persons Living or Dead" when it first came out was bracingly funny. The humor was fantastically cruel and tasteless, which is to say that it fits right in now.

"A what?"

Logan's Run had Tinder connected to a teleporter. No meeting in a coffee house first or anything. So much wrong there.

Decades ago I was sitting around reading this giant hard-cover compendium of Chester Gould's "Dick Tracy" comic strip because it was awesome. Then, this hippie started hassling me because Dick Tracy was "fascist." Whenever someone starts telling me that some escapist fantasy is "fascist," I recall his face and his…

Speaking from experience, the only thing wrong with going to hippie school is that, eventually, you have to leave and go to redneck school like everybody else. Which is exactly the only thing in life that hippie school fails to prepare you for.

Wait a minute. That's not a Domino's. That's a "Death Domino's." They have pachinko machines and an HVAC system for the cigarette smoke that sounds like a jet taking off. It's the one place in Japan you can't shoot a selfie.

Posted before because this keeps, um, coming up:

It's sooo dark in here…

Nah, they'll just dance in a circle around their fallen brethren and sing-song chant "He didn't have a backup! He didn't have a backup!"

Yet another electronic music subgenre is always reason to rejoice and reorder your hard drive. But I can't help but think that a lot of the fans of this stuff would be better served by the real deal: Actual 80s ambient pop from Japan. Here's a reasonable introduction: