Here's my Get Out The Vote PSA: The city is going to find you and register you for jury duty. You think not voting will protect you? You are wrong. You will find out how wrong during jury duty. And seeing as how they want your educated opinion so badly, you might as well subject them to your cranky opinions in the…

With a baby! From cancer, I guess.

Hey, we all knew what Bluto was going to do with Olive Oyl once Popeye was out of the way. We were the rough and tumble kids of the streets. We were the Greatest Generation.

That's the name of my Klezmer band.

What is it that you really want to know?

Our face is a bit of meat that we shake at the end of a stick. In this way, we view the cosmos.

When I was a teenager, my boss got involved in a lawsuit to save his business. The trial went on for two years. One day he came back from the trial and said, "it's over, we won."

Why do you think of something like ELIZA being more intelligent than it really was?

Kids already puke at the drop of a hat.

Nutrageous!

"Survive the Gesture" ain't half bad either.

Whadya mean? This whole article is about a tech solution for those problems.

I've done the night time "flashlight" tour. That's when you discover that the statuary in the grounds is creepier than the house.

I've heard people complain that Ennio Morricone turned in what was essentially a John Carpenter score. Have these people actually listened to the Morricone score outside of the context of the film? John Carpenter's scores have always sounded charmingly half-baked to me (even more so nowadays, sorry kids). Morricone's…

I liked it better when things became instantly unfashionable, instead of hanging around forever. The kids in the 50s weren't sitting around listening to Glenn Miller records. That was strictly squaresville.

I know: You haven't been this disappointed since you pulled down the Sticky Fingers zipper.

Well, it ain't a collectible any more.

And so it came to pass – the sigils were aligned. The Boomer relics unfolded along their predestined pathways amidst a hideous, insipid roar. The McKuening had begun. Pet Rocks rained from the skies. Basements spontaneously sprouted with artificial wood paneling and a great darkness fell over the shag carpet. A great…

Everybody ran out and bought Laserdisc, because it was the latest thing. But then we all started to realize that it had a cold, impersonal quality that caused us to distractedly skip around the movie without really taking the time to watch it as a total thing. You didn't have the ritual of taking it out of the box and…

It's an improvement. When I was young "locker room talk" meant that somebody got a swirly or a royal flush for being mildly tumescent.