By being slightly better, Batman Forever is much worse. The crazy wrong-headedness is the only thing the Schumacher films have going for them, so it's better to have it at full strength.

I would not generally make fun of a band for something like that, but Metallica has proven themselves to be such douches that I think it's warranted.

It's just a hilarious story worth mentioning twice. You read the lyrics to that song and you assume it's a chronic depressive at the end of his rope, grasping for any reason to go on and not finding it. Then you realize it's just some meathead falling to pieces because he lost his favorite toy.

It makes sense that they would sympathize. Isn't "Fade to Black" about the time somebody stole Hetfield's favorite amp?

Neither, but I think the one on the left is Bill Murray.

Pack it in, fellas. The Fool got it in one.

Sleepless in Asbury Park?
Johnny 99 vs the Volcano?
Blinded by the Burbs?
…
This is harder than it looks.

Considering gun owners are far more likely to shoot themselves or someone they care about than they are an intruder/terrorist/xenomorph, it's also backed up by statistics.

I honestly think he could reveal his true alien lizard people face and they would claim that any opposition was just proof that liberals are the real racists.

You want me to kick his ass for like 11 minutes straight in an alley? Is that even legal?

Kinda weird that Satanists have become the least scary religious group in America.

Now?

Ah, yes. Gluttony. So inspirational.

Jaws 3: Chapter 2

Trevorrow is reaping all the rewards for the movie's success. He can take the blame for its failures, too. I have no particular fondness for Jurassic Park, so it shouldn't have been that hard to just throw some dino carnage at the screen and make me happy. The film failed at even that simple task.

It was bad, but not the good kind of bad.

Tough but fair.

Well, yeah. Disney can go fuck itself. Dumbo was a long time ago.

My desperate hope is that Disney will realize that desperately milking old stories for every last drop of potential revenue is bad for us as a culture and decide to take a $3 billion loss on Star Wars by putting it out to pasture before no one on earth can ever remember a time when a Star Wars movie was a special…

EXEC: Will it still say "Star Wars" in the advertising?
EDWARDS: Of course.
EXEC: Then who gives a shit? Do whatever you want.