That plotline was already amply covered in Here Comes Garfield.

1-800-HAND-JOB

Please cast Rick Moranis playing Michael McDonald.

Please tell me this commentary was recorded before the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies.

Just follow your ass!

I don't mind when he's adding something new to a worthy story, but pieces like this that are just regurgitating a half-dozen other reports with a few half-assed "It's as though [humorously exaggerated analogy]" jokes thrown in probably don't deserve the extra push.

There have been a number of small-time investigations showing that you can usually get a credit card even if you make up the Social Security number.

Mine, too. I used to keep my old college ID around to laugh at my photo haircut, but then I realized it wasn't worth the ID theft risk.

Just add an extra zero onto the end.

I was stupid and actually listened to Dave Ramsey as a young adult, who insisted that you should pay cash for everything and you don't need a credit card because your credit score can be established by paying bills on time. When I set out on my own, I was shocked to discover that in reality, lack of debt meant I had…

Yes, because adults spewing facts at teenagers about not-fun stuff is always effective.

No, no, no… This is how you do it:

What's the exchange rate of dollars to Harolds?

I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life since second grade, and school (at least from high school on) was mostly an impediment to just getting on with things. Once I graduated from college, I promised I would never set foot in a classroom again, which is apparently why my asshole brain keeps giving me a…

That's Old Unattractive Male Privilege for you.

It's turning into a bit of a John Galt situation for super-red states. You really think you're gonna be just fine without ever engaging in any commerce with anyone who disagrees with your religion? Well, guess you're about to find out.

Speaking of conformity… I had a interesting anecdotal experience on that. A co-worker whom I had worked with for years as a man came out as a trans woman. I had never heard her make a lot of public comments about other womens looks when she was presenting as male, but suddenly she would regularly join in the…

And to be brutally honest in this case, "consumers" for the most part are women. Obviously there are plenty of guys who are disgusting creeps about how they evaluate appearance, but that's not what sells mainstream publications. Entertainment magazines are driven by what will get women to say, "Oh my God, look at…

I really despised a subgenre of all this that became very popular on talk shows about a decade ago. Popular female models/actors/musicians would go on shows like Oprah and Tyra and talk about how "I was once awkward and unpopular, too!" And then they'd show the photos of themselves from high school in which they…

I'm no golf fan, but the criticism that opens this article makes no sense. TV golf doesn't really have much dead air time at all because you have several players going simultaneously. Yes, they take a little time preparing their swing, but that's part of the game. No one would call it "dead air time" when a…