Kyle Ryan, will you and your wife be my new best friends?

"Mu unsettle's relative"?!? "I got Ariel Atom"?!? These spam messages get further and further from a recognizable human language.

Thank goodness - guys that still say, "Do I make you horny?" and "Yeah, baby, ye-e-eah!" desperately need validation.

Only if you take two of them and mash between them breakfast sausages, hashbrowns, carmelized onions, and a thin layer of maple syrup (the real thing, not that fake shit that smells like fenugreek.)

FUCK NO.

Pah - pancakes are just a bland, bourgeois imitation of johnnycakes.

… there are other kinds of answers to questions?

Yeah - maybe it was just something about that particular penis? Was it peeling / oozing / dripping / unusually odiferous?

Yeah - my parents wouldn't even LET me bring anyone in the house when I lived with them, but even if I had… Christ, what a boner-killer.

I did my homework twice last night.

… and NOW I want waffles.

Bowser? The ShaNaNa guy?

We ARE awful…

I attacked my own thinning hair by shaving my head.

… hate them SO MUCH…

You should have a urologist look at that.

The A.V. Club

I'm sorry to hear about your father's illness and all that you and your family are going through, Squanchy.

Awright - I need one of you young people to explain this Snapchat to me.

Feeding on the blood of living hosts with his lamprey-like mouthparts.