Am I the only one who thinks the Susan Boyle worship was a little ridiculous? Yes, she has a lovely voice, but people treated it like the second coming of Sarah Brightman. From the way the world reacted, you'd think it was a scientific impossibility that a dowdy middle-aged woman could sing.

"What happens in between is not my problem."
That right there sums up everything that's wrong with this movie in a nutshell. Because hey, who cares about filming a sweet, charming and seminal children's book when we can just have Mike Myers do boner improv for hours on end?

ElDan: The "koala show" was called The Noozles and it was a dub of an anime called Fushigh no Koala Blinky. Oddly enough, that wasn't the only koala-centric anime Nick Jr had back in the day. There was also Adventures of the Little Koala. Apparently, Japan had a hard-on for koalas in the 80s…

God, I loved Wishbone. I had the stuffed ones dressed as Sherlock Holmes and Romeo. The Romeo was my favorite, because he wore a silly Renaissance hat.

I give a fuck. But then, I'm a theatre major and a theatre nerd in general. Also, bragging rights: I went to high school with a guy who's in West Side Story. So I'm pulling for it this year.

Big deal. I called this in 3rd grade.

I RUNNA OVER YOU SEATS AND MAKE-A COMPLETE ASSA MYSELF AT THE OSCARS!!!!

"Asinine: Asinine-AY"
Whoever came up with the McCafe campaign needs to be shot in the face. Ditto for the fuckwit who's responsible for the "Tussssssssscan Chicken" Subway ads.

I'm in the same boat as Riff and Domino. I was SUCH a girly girl: I would only wear dresses from ages 1 until 6, I loved playing dress-up and tea parties and shit, and I was obsessed with Barbies. Now, I mostly wear jeans and snarky t-shirts and my personal outlook is closer to Dorothy Parker's than Cinderella's.

Jesus Christ, Terry, we get it. The Office is a schlocky mess of a show that's ruining American TV. You can quit hitting us over the head with it now.

I singlehandedly ruined Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for my dad. Thanks to my fondness for watching Christmas specials ad nauseum during summer break 1992, he hasn't been able to sit through it since.

Here's my list. I'll try to keep it short:

Keep America Beautiful
Please, please tell me I wasn't the only kid to be scared shitless by the Crying Indian commercial. I can't quite place what it was that so terrified me—the music, the imagery, the cheap, grainy tape it was shot on, the feel of "Jesus H. Christ we're all gonna die right now!!!!" feel it had—but…

I thought this was a "meh" episode with a few highlights, namely Carlos Mencia getting the ever-loving shit beaten out of him. Come on, who here hasn't wanted to do that? I also enjoyed Cartman's increasingly ego-soaked flashbacks.

Jesus H. Christ. Those are needlessly horrible. Between those and the one with the waitress-beating restaurant patron, it's clear that Canada has some sick fucks working at their ad agencies.

So then I was right all along: The only thing these ads do is scare kids shitless. I remember some doozies from my childhood: The crack dealer who turns into a snake-man, the meth song, the inhalant ad where a girl drowns in her room…Christ, those made for some nightmares.

I call bullshit. This has to be a joke. I refuse to believe a "movie" that looks this stark-raving stupid, ineptly acted, with absolutely no stars, and a budget of pocket change, somehow got approved for wide release. Are there really that many dimwit church folk who think this passes for entertainment that…

Another way haunting is like sex: It's better with a group than it is by yourself.

This is the problem with The Simpsons now: They're trying to be Family Guy. As much as I like Family Guy (which is quite a bit), frankly, I expect better from The Simpsons. Last night was a clear-cut example: Flopping around when the hot tub broke, the Q-bert gag, the Mr. Potato Head judge and Wiggum repeatedly…

It's a testament to how good the acting, writing—hell, everything—is on this show that a competent manager comes in to lay down the law and all I could think was "Who the hell does he think he is?" Michael is an incompetent, egotistical doofus of a boss, but damn it all, I can't help but love the guy.