"Because he's my butler!" - Warner Bros. management.

Norm MacDonald does a voice-only cameo as Roger, Jimmy James's lawyer.

"Isn't that what the guy from Counting Crows sings at the end of that song?"

I wrote a short monologue a while ago, which was filmed by a local theatre company.  My parents brought it up again recently, apologizing for laughing a lot at something that I wrote to be slightly sad.  Here it is on YouTube.

I love you, Cramsey!

I still have had no red meat since nearly choking to death on pork about a month ago.  I don't miss it!

"Argle Bargle!" - Scalia shouting into a shark-filled tornado.

Flight of the Conchords circa Season 1.

I pity these employees.  There's only so many times in one day any man should have to party down to the same Journey song.

Fergito, ergo sum

I like how we can't even say his name on this site without linking to him.

The words "I am" died with DJ Mehdi.  "I Am Somebody" no longer:

Are you tellin' me all these clocks are slow?

I often watch this Meat the Veals clip on a loop.

*@avclub-6e581a8cf486e208eb1eb0867b80d230:disqus  gets attacked by an ostrich.*

Ken Starr: in another life, he'd be the author of 50 Shades of Grey.

What're ya tryin' to say to me?

Don't ask "Can I?"  Ask "I can!"

My underdog vote is for Donald Pleasance in Escape from New York!

I watched the beginning of Fitzwilly and thought it was an absurd concept, but I wanted to see how it would play out.  And if anybody can sell absurd, it's Dick Van Dyke.